intchantress's picture

Advice for a child care provider for a best friend

So I need some advice on how to deal with with a situation that I got myself into and now need to get out of without damaging the relationship with my friend.

I have been watching my best friends little boy since he was 6 weeks old. He is 2 now and although I love him dearly I am really tied of my friend taking advantage of our relationship in regard to me watching her son.

Basically She:
has me pick him up in the morning, leaving my newborn with her very sleepy daddy (he works swing shift and doesn't get to bed until nearly 3 every day and I have to leave by 8)

picks her son up sometime between 5:45 and 7,

brings him to me even if she takes the day off.

makes me watch him even if we are both sick. (not to mention that I always watch him if he is sick even if it means my baby gets sick too)

Makes me pay for a sitter if I need time off (too sick to watch him, vacation and even when I had a miscarriage)because she pays me in advance

only provides food for her son sometimes

makes me take him to the doctor if he is sick

refuses to participate in potty training even though her son is more than ready (changes most of his own diapers lol)

is planning a short sabbatical in which she is going to just stay home watching t.v. all day while I watch her son

goes to the doctor or dentist or the store or whatever during the day (she had a very flexible schedule) and makes me watch him the extra time she has to work to make up for it. (makes for 50+ hour weeks almost every week)

Now, the problem I am having is

1. She is my best friend and I love her
2. I can't stop watching her son because I really need the money
3. She has an extreme anxiety disorder that makes it really hard to talk to her without it becoming a confrontation
4.she doesn't pay me enough to make up for the amount of time that is being taken away from my own daughter, and the inconvenience that her decisions are making in my life.

I would love some advice on how to approach the situation, (and maybe excuses I can use to change some of her behaviors).


mayamay's picture
Some ideas for when you are letting somebody take advantage of you. 1. Ask her when would be a good time for you to talk to her. Offer choices, but make it clear that you need to talk to her before Friday. 2. Outline on paper what the problems are: transportation, care during illness, long workdays, lack of vacation for you, health and developmental responsibilities that you have been given. 3. Outline on paper what your ideal would be: she transports child to/from your home, and picks up the child before 6 EVERY NIGHT, she provides care when she is not at work, she manages the child's health (Dr appointments) and developmental issues (potty training), including providing food or paying you extra for food.
mayamay's picture
4. When you meet with her, direct her attention to what you have written down. Keep your own focus on those things. See if the two of you can work out a solution. If you can't, then give notice. She is not the only person who needs child care in your area. You can find another client.
Isabella8688's picture
Thank you so much for your post.
devikap's picture
I think there is just one solution to your problem you need to speak out. As you say she is your best friend i think she will understand your feelings else whats the use of such friendship when your are doing things under certain burden. Its better you speak out your mind.