Diane1964's picture
Diane1964

Stepfathers discussion with 10 year old stepdaughter

I taped a phone discussion between a 10 year old girl and her stepfather while she was at her dad's house. The stepfather is trying to persuade the 10 year old girl to attend a camp for a week where she will learn about the human body and be going nude around others. She doesn't know if she wants to go and he is telling her she needs to go, because she needs to get used to going around their house naked. He's even breathing heavy.

What do I do? I don't know if the recording is legal? But I am extremely worried about the girl.



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

This needs to be reported to child abuse authorities.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Before you report this to any authority you better make sure you do not live in a two party permission state. If you come forward with this you may possibly open yourself to criminal charges, as well as giving this stepfather grounds to bring suit against you.

First step is to know your local laws concerning recording phone calls. From what you have described there is nothing illegal that he has done. The "evidence" you have, as you have described it, is worthless.

If you find that one party permission is allowable in your state, you may bring the recording to his attention and see if he backs off, but I doubt it. Best bet, communicate with him via email. Tell him that the girl is nervous about going and should not be forced to go. See what his response is. If he is adamant, ask him about why she needs to get comfortable going around their house naked. Don’t get me wrong here, I am in no way on his side, while reading your post all sorts of alarms and whistles went off, but you need to do this tactfully, and within the guidelines of the law. The worst case scenario is that all attention is diverted from him, and directed at you for breaking federal/state wire tapping laws. Good luck.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Where is the bio-mom in the picture?

Diane1964's picture
Diane1964

I have googled and found that my state is a one party consent state. So, my question is can the father tape his children's calls
legally as their custodian?

The bio-mom, read the program for the day to day activities to the girl and then put the stepdad on the phone and he was the one who asked her if she wanted to go and proceeded to tell her all the reasons she needed go. Including: animals don't wear clothes, why should people; she needed to learn to be comfortable being nude so she could join him and the bio-mom in going nude around the house; if she went to camp for a week it would get her away from her bio-dad (who has equal custody and is a great man); skinny dipping is fun and all daily swimming at the camp was done in the nude; clothes are uncomfortable and she doesn't need to wear them, etc.

Discussions with the bio-mom and stepdad is not an option. They will discuss nothing with the bio-dad, including pickup times ect., always passing the messages thru the 2 girls. When the bio-dad calls to try to discuss these things with the adults, he is told that they have nothing to do with anything, it involves the girls (10 and 13)and they are to discuss arrangements (for vacations, pickups, etc.,)with their dad. Then they hang up.

The bio-mom and bio-dad are to discuss everything and both have to agree to everything regarding the girls. Problem is, he never knows what is going on. The girls are not allowed to tell the bio-dad anything that their mother tells them not to.

It is a very sad and stressful situation....these girls are 10 and 13...

mayamay's picture
mayamay

I'd get a lawyer on this one.

A good family law specialist who would know what to do about

1 sending to camp (any camp) without both parents' consent

2 nudity of an unrelated adult in a home with minors.

Diane1964's picture
Diane1964

Thanks, the dad and I are torn up emotionally by all of this... I've called several law offices in the past hour, they've taken my name and number and say that someone will call back...

lilmissmummy's picture
lilmissmummy

if i was in this position wether there was a law or not i would rather report it before the girl is exploited or abused its better to be safe than sorry. you must of had cause for concern for you to feel the need to record it in the first place. tell the girls parents/carers about it and maybe suggest not letting her speak or see the stepfather until this is investigated also talk the the girl about what is acceptablt and what is not in terms of nudity etc and encourage her to tell someone if anything happens she is uncomfortable with. my stepdaughter was living with her mum where domestic violance was occuring and drug and alcohol abuse so although she is only 7 my partner gave her a mobile with free calls to him on so she could call him if anything ever happened. me personally would not allow my child to go to a camp where everybody is walking around nakered even if it is to learn about the human body i am well aware of the human body and i was as a child i did not need to walk around nakered to learn this

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Ok, this is a sad situation. First of all if dad has equal custody and everything is suppose to be discussed between the parents concerning the girls, I would first of all send a certified letter to them. Make sure you get a receipt. In the letter I would quote the parenting plan, and make a strong objection regarding this camp. I would also make it known to them that they are placing the children in the middle. That you have made several attempts to contact them to discuss several issues regarding the children but each attempt has been met with resistance. The children should not be the messengers for the parents; this is for the adults to work out, not the kids.
On this, I would most definitely contact an attorney and see what remedies under the law are available to you to prevent this child from being sent to this camp. Just a suggestion, but has a background check ever been done on the stepfather?
As for the recording, this is a tough area and it would be best for you to pose this question to an attorney who understands your state laws. I would love to give you all the info you need, but do not want to give you advice that could harm you. Please keep us up to date.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

In the state where I live, anyone knowing that a child is possibly being exploited and does not inform authorities can be prosecuted.

Even if that were not the case it is the moral duty of every person to protect children from any potential harm. This situation clearly sounds like child exploitation. Do you want it on your conscience that you did nothing in order not to be possibly prosecuted? The protection of this child needs to be put first! Get a lawyer if need be and act now!

Diane1964's picture
Diane1964

The bio-dad saw 2 lawyers today.

One lawyer listened to the tape and was shocked and appalled. Said he had never come across something of this sort before.

The other lawyer wouldn't even listen to tape, because by listening, she would be committing a crime.

According to both lawyers, the tapes can not be used and I can be prosecuted for taping the conversation.

Both lawyers said they can only do something after the fact "no crime yet". The girl has to attend this camp before anything can be done. And even at that point, there is only a violation of the parenting plan by not also obtaining the bio-fathers permission beforehand.

Yes, the behavior of both girls has changed drastically in the last 6 months. The 13 yr old had a doctors appt today and her doctor said she is severely depressed and needs immediate counseling. Her bio-father agrees and is waiting on the appt date and referral from the family physician.

Neither lawyer felt the bio-dad could go to court and get full custody of the girls. He can only file contempt of court charges against the bio-mom for the parenting plan violations, upon which she can be fined as the max punishment. He is heart-broken. He can do nothing else.....

Oh, we are in West Virginia and our laws need changed!!!!