What kind of relationship should my fiance now have with his former stepdaughter from previous marriage?
My Fiance was married for 10 years to his ex wife. When they married she had a daughter from her first marriage, not long after they were married they had a biological daughter together. Anyway, there are 2 girls (a daughter and stepdaughter from his previous marriage that are involved).
He never legally adopted the stepdaughter and has no legal rights/custody of her. Does not pay child support or anything of that nature.
He knew the stepdaughter since she was about 3 and has raised/taken care of her ever since like his own. Her own, biological father never paid child support and rarely saw her and/or had anything to do with her in the 10 years my fiance was married to his ex wife.
Even after the divorce 2 years ago, when he would get custody of his biological daughter, he would have BOTH of them. The stepdaughter has been to our home every single time along with her sister, we have shared holidays with her, spent just as much money on her, given her as many gifts, etc as the biological daughter. Treated her exactly the same. She is ALWAYS included in everything. She recently turned 18.
However, the last few times she has been to our home, she has reminded my fiance over and over again about how he is NOT her Dad, has no rights to her and must ask her mother's permission before he does anything with her. (i.e take her to get her hair cut etc)
She also has become cold, she won't call him Dad like she used to. Won't hug him anymore or anything. She acts like she's only visiting because she has to, just because her sister is. She loves when we give her gifts and celebrate her birthday and holidays, but it has become apparent that perhaps she just likes the benefits of gifts.
In conversations, she also has told us that if we have a child together (my fiance and I) that it won't be her sibling and she won't have anything to do with him/her.
My fiances biological daughter has expressed resentment towards the fact that her sister always comes along and she doesn't get anytime alone with HER Dad. She also seems upset that when we send care packages, we send her sister just as much as we do her.
When the stepdaughters dad does see her, he never takes her sister, like we do. Never buys her anything or has anything to do with her. To a 13 year old, naturally this seems confusing and unfair.
The ex wife has also been extremely bitter in the divorce. There has been strong evidence that she has been brainwashing and turning the biological daughter against her Dad (my fiance) and myself. She won't answer her phone when he calls and tries to keep both the girls away from him as much as possible.
As far as the stepdaughter goes, we will have our own child together eventually, this raises several questions about whether he should continue his relationship with his now legal adult stepdaughter who has increasingly distanced herself yet, continues to manipulate both him and me for gifts, etc. We feel as if this is something that could make our own child very confused and even strain his relationship with her sister, his biological daughter.
The ex wife doesn't think I have any rights or should even see this daughter...and revokes any legal responsibilities from my fiance, YET insists she comes on every visit and behaves as though it's my fiances responsibility and duty to continue to support her and buy her things.
I am beginning to find this very obnoxious and increasingly disturbing...what do we do or think?