Shanlyn's picture
Shanlyn

What are we to do?????????

What are we to do.....we love our spouses dearly and we look forward to spending a long, happy life with them....most of us in a 2nd marriage,some in a 3rd....we are getting older......time is precious and life is to short to deal with the stress so many step parents go through......should our love really have to endure all the headaches we are put through.......they say true ever lasting love will withstand anything......BUT.....should it withstand the disrespect......the secrets...the lies...the deceptions...the stealing...the exclusions.....

It is sad to see so many posts on the way a step parent is treated and the stuff we have to endure just to be with our spouses......

I love my soulmate with every breath I take, I'm just not sure how much more I can deal with.....I'm always walking on eggshells, afraid to do or say anything that may create a situation here.....

I pray for the strenght to carry on....life is to short and time is running out for us.....does one move on and live life without love.....or do we sit back, wait it out and see what the future holds for us?????



gail's picture
gail

I don't know the answer.  I am sorry that things are so painful for you and for your step-daughter.  I looked back and found your description of the original problem.  Unless there is mental illness (and it doesn't sound like that is the problem) she must be dealing with a great deal of pain in order for her to be acting out with promiscuity.  It is not normal behavior in happy adolescents.  The manipulative behavior is also not normal in happy adolescents.  I am sorry that the poison that is generated in her life sloshes on to you. 

Shammy's picture
Shammy

Shanlyn, you touched upon so many points that I live with day to day

Quote: disrespect......the secrets...the lies...the deceptions...the stealing...the exclusions.....
 

There has been recent deception with my step/blended family situation that makes me think twice about my marriage as well.  I really love my husband and took my vowels seriously, but the agonizing pain of dealing with the situation of being a step-parent seems more than I can bare at times......

I truly believe we sit back, wait it out and see what the future holds.  I personally, believe my future holds possible separation.........

tamz's picture
tamz

Disrespect, secrets, lies, deception, stealing and exclusion cause great unhappiness and emotional distress.  This suffering is not worth the few happy moments we find in between.  We MUST find a balance or be alone.  Being lonely is a lesser evil than misery....

wantan's picture
wantan

for some being alone is a lesser evil, for others the love/bond true understanding and patience and caring and support and soulmate can carry us through anything.  sometimes love can conquer all.  I do believe there needs to be balance, but I'm beginning to believe the balance is during those moments when the kids aren't around and it's just you and the one you love so dearly.  I also beg to differ that kids, happy adolescent kids, are not manipulative.  divorce or not, there isn't a book or info out there that doesn't say some kids by nature aren't manipulative, especially the 'baby' of the family.  you have to have faith in your marriage and relationship, faith in yourself, trust, think and be positive, feel grateful for x, and always remember why you are there - for your husband/wife and remember the foundation you built when the relationship began.  yes, it's easier said than done, believe you me!  I can't stand the lying, deception, manipulation, taking advantage of, quite frankly just plain being s___ on.  I can't stand the backtalking, the drama and attitude.... but in the process I wouldn't be honest if I said I wasn't learning something about myself, appreciating my own upbringing even more than ever, and my own values/morals... and the comfort of knowing who I am now, as an adult, and how sad it is that they need to grow up with all that much more to learn about life and relationships and people.  think of the path they have to travel.  yikes!  us, we've gotten through that part of life already and we're lucky enough to have/feel love. hold on to that.  don't compromise yourself, but remember "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", and those that throw stones at glass houses.... well you know what happens to them.  hang in there, don't give up because the worst is if YOU look back and regret... find positive outlets for yourself.