I left a post a few days ago about my sd telling me she and her bf are sexually active.  I need some opinions on what my responsibility is in all of this, and when do I have a right to say anything?

We still haven't had the talk with her and her bf.  We want it to be the four of us, her dad, me, her, and her bf.  But I spent the last week out of state at the hospital with my mom.  Looks like it will be this weekend when she is over here. Her dad HAS talked to her about it on the phone, (he works over the road and she is with her mom through the week), but we don't want them seeing each other until we talk in person.

She doesn't want to tell her mom, and her dad said we won't.  So I am now in stuck in the middle of it.  I've tried to figure out when and where it happened.  She said 3x in the last 4 months.  It had to be his house.  But every time she has spent time there, parents were supposed to be there.  I guess it was my bad that I didn't go to the door and confirm.  We made it clear what we expected and trusted them to do it. We don't know if his parents know.

 So much of this rests on my shoulders.  And I really don't want to deal with it.  Not under these circumstances.  Her mom doesn't approve of their dating because he's another race.  Her dad is okay with that.  But I said he can't come over unless her dad is here too.  I feel like her mom let her do too much too young.  At 13 she was wearing heavy makeup and wearing short shorts, and hanging all over her bf's.  Heck when I had a boy over we sat on diff pieces of furniture! LOL

I don't want to deal with brith control or not, I don't want to think about having to raise a grandbaby, I won't, but then that's a whole new situation, if it happens.  I've been reading up on how to deal with these situations.  But my mind is mush.  What is your opinion of MY position in all of this?