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gonewest

teenage daughter is a bratt


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Hi,

I have a long story and apologise now for its length.

I met my husband in 04 on an internet website where we communicated
for a while, we actually met for real three times last year when he came to the
UK to visit me.
We got along great and decided to take our relationship further, we applied for
a fiancée visa so that I could be with him in the USA,
I landed in NJ in January, when I first met his two girls, 11 and 13. we
married in march, law states we had to marry in 90 days for me to be able to
stay here while we go through the next process…so, I am brit and my husband is
yank and the differences between the two countries (for me) was overwhelming. With
the new home, new life, new everything, I had also to contend with two nearing
teenage girls who have had women come and go for the past 7 years (they lost
their mum to cancer 8 years ago, but she still plays a big part in their life)

I knew it was going to be hard and I was told I was a fool
for thinking that the girls would accept me…im not expecting miracles, if a ‘real
mum’ doesn’t get respect during the teenage years, how can I expect it…being a
step mum?  These girls have had nannies
and house keepers all their life and this is how they think of me, I feel like I
am banging my head because I am constantly picking up after them, cleaning
after them…I know…this is what a mum does…but, when I ask them for help I am
being mean for interrupting their tv time.

The eldest daughter is so up her dads arse that it is
driving me insane, we never get any time together she is either banging on the
bedroom door, phoneing him or texting him every 5 minutes. She goes everywhere
with him and sometimes it seems like it isn’t me who he married, he talks to
her like the adult and most of the time I am going nuts craving for adult
conversation, I know no one here and I cannot work (previously I knew lots of
people, had a good job, my own place blah blah)…it isn’t that I miss what I had…i
don’t…it isn’t that I am jealous of my husband/daughter relationship…far from
it…but I can see that the way she is with me, [filtered word]ing me to her friends and
family and even the neighbours that this is going to get worse if it isn’t sorted
out now…my husband thinks I am clueless with kids because I have none of my own
and he has ‘single handedly’ brought up his girls (with nannys help of course)
he thinks I have no idea how conniving and deceitful teenage girls can be, when
it is he who thinks his girls are angels…they push me to the limit and expect
not to be told off for it. I have no say on anything the eldest does yet we
agreed a couple of weeks ago that we would start to discuss them more, and if
they don’t do as they are supposed to do (which is simply keeping their room
tidy and taking out the trash) then they will have some kind of punishment…not
locking in the cellar or anything like that…but say loosing the ipods, mobile
phones or pc, (btw these girls have everything a child could ever want so I am
at a loss at to which to remove first!!) the younger one I hardly need to
mention here as I thought she was the one who was going to be a problem it has
turned out that it is her older sister who is the bratt. I ask her to do
something and get slamming doors or storming off sulking, where she will then
call her dad and tell him what is going on.

She started her first period last month and i  am not to know anything about it, yet she
expects me to buy her the things needed for this month, I know and don’t expect
her to come to me telling me her problems, but when she told the neighbour
instead of her dad or even her aunt, it kinda upset me because she felt she couldn’t
come to me. The pair of them are lazy and inconsiderate, thinking that daddys
wallet is always open…want want want and I cant get used to that…coming from a
home where we had nothing and had to work for anything, everything is given to
these girls on a plate and they have no idea how broke we are just feeding their
habits of webkins and electronics.

They wont eat what I cook…im not a bad cook, but when we
have burgerking or macdonalds half a mile away there is the better option…they
will waste what I put on the table at 6pm and then complain at 7 that they are
hungry and daddy will take them to macdonalds….this I also cant grasp…fast
food. They don’t understand that everything I do is for a reason and that I am
only trying to help, the youngest has ADD and I am trying to sort her diet, it
is somewhat improving and she can see this, but her sister trys so hard to
influence her into having things she shouldn’t have (in the sweets section)

The husband/wife relationship is strained enough as we didn’t
have that chance that most couples have…the getting to know you period…we had
our relationship online, then we were ‘thrown’ together and this was when we
started to get to know each other as a couple…we didn’t have that chance
previously to me landing here…it was all chats and webcams. I had never been
married before and this isn’t what I was expecting…just to be here to be a
cleaner and someone the kids can walk all over when it suits…

I will put money on the eldest daughter being the one who
manages to split us up.

once again sorry for the length, and sorry for it being a bit mixed up, i have tried to describe as much as i can in the time i have while my husband is at work.