Stepson does not want to go back to his Mom's house
I have been with my husband for 5 years, married for one. I have a 9 yr old daughter and a 7 year old stepson. We live in NC and my stepson lives in FL with his mother and her boyfriend.
We went through a few years of hard times with my husband's ex girlfriend where she wouldn't let their son see his father at all. They never went to court although my husband pays plenty of child support voluntarily. She would tell her son horrible things like his daddy didn't love him and things of that nature. After being threatened with court she picks up and moves from VA to FL with no notice and has been living there for a few years. She has recently moved into her boyfriend of less than one years home.
As of Dec. 2008 she let him come stay with us for Christmas of that year, Spring Break of 2009, several weeks of Summer 09, Christmas 09, and Spring Break 2010. When he first started coming to visit he told us that he had to pretend to not like me or his mommy would be mad at him. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to some of the things he told us while he was really little.
Now that he has been visiting us regularly, he has expressed that he does not want to go home to FL to his moms. He says that he would rather live with us and just visit with her. When asked for reasons he tells us that our house is nicer, we play with him, we cook him food, his moms boyfriend has a dog that bites him and draws blood, he doesn't have many friends there, no one helps him with his homework, etc.
Right before the Christmas 2009 visit he was sexually abused in FL while playing with some other children. His mother let him ride the bus home with older children in another neighborhood while she was still at work. Apparently the children were playing a few streets over unsupervised in a tree house and another child sexually abused my stepson. He told his mother about it that night and she waited until 1 in the morning to call the local authorities and make a report. She took him to one required meeting about this incident but has never followed through with any kind of counseling for him.
During this visit he cried to us many times about wanting to live with us instead. We explained to him that his mother will not let him live with us and go to school. I have all of this on video.
During this last Spring Break visit we noticed that his hygeine was not at it's greatest. His fingernails were very very long and completely filthy when we picked him up from the airport.(we buy all plane tickets) His toenails were so long they were starting to curl over. (took photos) After noticing him scratching his behind we find out he has pinworms inside of him. He tells us that he told his mom about his butt itching weeks ago and she didn't do anything about it. Towards the end of this visit he begs us to live here and even goes as far as to ask his mom on the phone if he could stay with us. He asked her if he could go to school with us and she told him no, he gets off the phone with her and cries in my arms begging me not to make him go back to FL. A few days prior while at a local wishing well he walked up to the well with the other children and made a wish to never have to go back to FL ever again.
He has been back in FL with her for about a week now and she calls us last night to tell us that he is getting in trouble at school for hugging and kissing little girls in his classroom. I have researched depression in children and he has a lot of the symptoms such as crying easily, wanting to be alone, being worried, feeling worthless and powerless.
His mother told him that when he is 12 years old they can talk about it but not until then. What should his father and I do about this? We don't want to battle her in court but we also don't want him growing up unhappy.