stepmom2's picture
stepmom2

stepson behavior affecting toddler

My stepson is 8.  When I am the only adult around, his behavior is terrible.  Tantrums, defiance, etc.  He misbehaved when husband was around but not as bad.  Lately, however, he has gotten bad even when husband is around.  He has always had behavior problems (met husband when ss was 2) but he has become physical - destroying property and hitting when he is angry (mostly when he doesn't get his way or is asked to do something other than play video games).  My problem is that his behavior is affecting my toddler.  SS was living with bm for about 2 months and we had very little problems with toddler.  Since ss has been back however, he has become a lot more defiant and aggressive, doing things that ss does.  I discipline him and explain why those things are wrong, but I am starting to resent ss since I know we wouldn't have near as many problems with toddler if he weren't around.  I am also afraid he will hurt him when he gets angry as he does hit and break things.  He cracked the top in my coffee table the other day during a fit.  I am to the point where I don't want to be alone with him. If my husband isn't around, he finds a babysitter.  I don't want to leave my husband, but he just doesn't seem to understand.  He thinks I just need to "deal with it."  But I find it hard to deal with since he tells me he hates me and wishes I would die and go to Hell.  We used to get along ok, but not anymore.  His bm and paternal grandparents have filled his head with things (both directly and by actions).  I am not sure what to do.  Any advice would be appreciated!



junieg's picture
junieg

I'm sorry as I know it is far from easy for you, but I feel so much for this child. He is not having it easy either. He has been passed around from Mum to Dad, and when he is with you, he has your toddler to compete with too. If disciplining needs to be done, then I think your husband should be doing it, not leaving it to you.
Bottom line is does this child feel that anyone loves or cares for him because you make it sound like that nobody does. He is just being passed around as an inconvenience. He is just as important in his own right as your toddler. If you can't give him the love and attention, find someone who can.

stepmom2's picture
stepmom2

Hi. We have been trying since he was 3 to get his behavior under control. We have taken him to counseling, and he is seeing a psychiatrist now for ADHD. I also feel bad for him, but I feel like I have done all I could. However, I don't know how to counteract what his bm or grandparents have put in his head. I do not handle the discipline. However, this doesn't really make things any better as my husband's way of discipline is yelling and spanking. I have tried setting aside time for just him and I to do things, but it hasn't helped. We have done reward charts, 123 magic, taking things away, etc. Nothing seems to work.