eubanks's picture
eubanks

stepdad-long story..need help

I will try to make this as short as possible but not sure if i can.
My 2 kids live with their dad ( my ex). I have remarried but i have hard time with my husband bonding with my kids when they visit.
HE say he wants to bond with them but since they dont live with us it is hard for him. I do understand that and i have suggested ways of opening up to them when they come to see us. They are girls-14 and almost 11 and they dont have anything against him.
When they come over they do what girls that age usually do. 14year old listen to music or on computer and 10yo is doing graphics on computer or watching tv. I do interract with them and we talk but my husband never tries to join in. He just clams up and sits in the chair. I told him that they are kids and that he needs to start some conversation by simply asking how was school or something like that and his response to that is that they dont ask him anything why should he start it? Then he says its hard for him to communicate with them because they dont live with us but everytime i'm trying to bring them over for a day or 2 he says it wont be a good idea because his job is stressful and he needs to "relax" when comes home and then on weekends it's his time to spend time with me. BAsically there is never a good time to bring them over when he is home. He is active duty in the military so i usually have kids over when he is away from home for training or during the day.
I dont want to push him but i stopped even asking because every time i bring this subject up he we end up fighting. He says i dont do enough to help him with this and that i need to talk to kids and explain to them that its not that he doesnt want to see them it's just he has a stressful job.I did talk to kids and explained that and i think they are ok with it but it's just seems wrong that i always bring them over when he is not there and if he happens to come home when they are over , he just goes to his room or leaves to go to gym.
I can go on and on about this but im stuck...i dont know what to do. I feel like i'm dealing with a teenager and i pretty much gave up the idea of making this work.
This is my last resort. Any ideas ...please...



mayamay's picture
mayamay

It sounds like everybody is OK with this except you. Your daughters have a good relationship with their bio-dad, so they don't really need your husband. He's just acknowledging the truth of the situation. It's time to let the dream of your girls loving your husband like a father die. It is not realistic of you to recreate a nuclear family. The family system you have is working ok. Let it be.