STEP DAUGHTER TRAUMA
Two years ago I remet and fell in love with my high-school sweetheart. A year later, I relocated to a large city, giving up my job, seniority, pension and stability to be with him and his 2 children - a teenage daughter and 12 year old son. He has had custody for 3 years after the real mother had a breakdown. He proposed a month before I moved and apparently his daughter helped to pick out the ring. I am not saying that the relationship with the children was the greatest before I moved but it worsened to the point of exploding. He is afraid to discipline his children - the mother is constantly bringing him to court for some reason or another - so the children dictate what goes on and when. We have never been able to carry out our plans without the daughter interfering in one way or the other. She refuses to do dishes - at first, she was allergic and now admits she doesn't like to put her hands in the water; she doesn't know how to sweep a floor and doesn't wish to learn; her room is a constant pig sty; she will start her laundry on Sunday and it is still on the floor the following Sunday - she is so lazy, she won't even remove her dirty femine napkins from her underwear before she changes (I have found countless washed and dryed pads stuck to the underwear in the dryer). She is a very selfish and conceited person. She hangs up on my adult friends when they call, denys it and her father says "I wasn't there - I really do not know what happened". She will wait until I'm at work to talk to her brother about me and then he ignores me until she says it is OK to talk to me. The father says nothing as he feels that we have to work things out ourself but I am not allowed to discipline them in any way. The straw that broke the camels back occured in January when I discovered that used my computer to downloand a contact from a guy from England that she met playing online games. Needless to say I was furious and told her father that someone downloaded this guy from England and reminded him how dangerous that was. She admitted to doing it but said it was her friend's cousin - I threatened to bring the computer to the police and then she finally admitted that she met him online. She then proceeded to tell us that she was not a little girl (15) that she knew him that I was not her mother and that it was none of my business. I told her when she used my computer she made it my business because not only did she put herself in danger but she also put me and everyone in the house. Her father told me to mind my own business, to pack my bags and get the #### out in front of both his children - she thought this very amusing and laughed. Within 3 days I signed a lease and was moved within 16 days. The father still wants to work things out, hoping that this will blow over - although he has done nothing to discipline her (she did the downloading thing again) because he says "what am I supposed to do". I do not want to see his children - right now forever. He is hoping that someday I can move back in. My thoughts: can the father or the daughter ever change? Should I wait around in a strange city to give the relationship a chance?