step-daughter says she 'hates' me
Please help. I've been on here before asking for help regarding my 12 yr old step daughter who is truly confused and angry, spoiled and selfish, and completely disrespectful. I have known for some time, and everyone else around me agrees, that she has issues and needs counseling. For whatever reason her bio parents haven't felt the need to get her in to counseling, as of yet. She is the baby of the family with two older sisters. divdivShe walks around throwing all sorts of attitude, neck moving and finger pointing, face... all ghetto behavior in my opinion. A few days ago she announced that: "I am an [filtered word] and I like it that way." to her dad. divdivSo after a year of being basically at her beckon-call, drop all to go and do for Amelia.... she decides to throw a fit because I asked her, nicely, to go and empty the trash bins from her room. She does nothing around here to help - I'm basically their maid. Yeah I know, my fault. So I ask her to take her trash out [one bucket!] and she just leaves it in the kitchen for me to do. I make a comment in a raised voice out of frustration - certainly not yelling, and she lashes out:divdiv"You know what, you are acting like a three year old!!! Let me tell you, no one, NO ONE yells at me except for my mom. You have no right!!! I hate you, i have always hated you since you came here. Why don't you get in your car and drive back to Santa Fe, better yet go back to New York!! I don't like you and never have."divdivHer dad proceeds to tell her he is proud of her that she finally got that out, because he has known for the last 13 months that she's been walking all over me. However, for the last 13 months she's let me do for her, give to her, buy for her, like I said.. beckon-call. And she's said time and time again, "love you". divdivAm I surprised, no... but it was a shocker and hurtful to be yelled at and finger in my face from a 12 yr old.divdivI don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this anymore. They went back to their mom's for this week - we go one week on, one week off. I don't know that I want to even look at her come monday. I know she wins if I leave. I know she needs help. divdivI should mention, by the way, that the girls mom was extremely abusive to them all, including my husband. He has photos and regrets to this day not calling child services or the police. he knew in his heart that all kids need their moms and have a special bond no matter what. these girls will defend their mom to the hilt! and they have miscued ideas of the abuse - probably, I would imagine, from the trauma. but all in all, I am the bad guy, as is the dad. divdivI have no patience for this girl anymore, but I love her dad. divdivThanks.