elizabethrose83's picture
elizabethrose83

Problems with my stepson's mother

I have a wonderful, bright, funny, talented stepson. He is 6. My husband has 100% physical custody and 50% legal custody. We also have two sons that are 3 and 8 months. So three boys in the house. My stepson sees his mother 3 weekends out of the month. That is the arrangement with the courts. However, she doesn't seem to have her head on straight. She is an exotic dancer, which I don't necessarily have a problem with. It's the drugs and the alcohol that comes along with the job. Last weekend she picked him up and then dropped him off at her friend's house who he didn't know and he spent the night there, without her. What is worse is that she told him not to tell us where he slept. He came home and told us anyway because the kid doesn't lie. THAT WAS SCARY and made my husband and I so angry. She is uncooperative to say the least. He loves her as he should, that's his mom. But he has such an unstable relationship with her. Last year, she took off for 8 months and nobody knew where she was. My stepson suffered greatly from that. He is so torn and I don't know how to console him. How does our family deal with her irresponsability? It affects us all. Any advice?



whatever's picture
whatever

how sad ,well it is up to his dad to protect him and with all you said i would gather all the information write everything down with dates and seek in court a change ,not taking away her rights to her son and his rights to see his mom but sounds like she needs to have someone else around when it takes place and the over nights need to be taken away for awhile maybe she will get to a point where she can get it together for her and the child i hope so but until then you have got to do what is in the best for the little boy if you get this change still encourage him to have a relationship with his mom he will grow up and make his on choice when older but until then i would go back into court seek a mod on the order but be prepared maybe give her the right to see him more days but demand no over nights and someone must be around this can be court appt they have people people who can do this so that you do not have to be the one to sit and make all uncomfortable "it can make you feel like a prison ,make his mom feel like she is in prison and you are their to make sure she doesnt mess up " i have been in your shoes tried it that way it does not work so for the start let the court choose a trusted person to over see the visits it works best .as for him explain to him that so that he feel safe this is what the court has decided to do ,never bad talk his mom ,encourage her involvement with him but protect him the legal way good luck it isnt easy but it will be worth it

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Maybe if mom's visitation is supervised, that may help. Also, I wld suggest counceling for your stepson, and also for his mom if she wld go. It wld be nice for you guys to go as a family as well.

alissa's picture
alissa

You should have a problem with his mother being an exotic dancer. That basically tells us (the readers) what type of person she is. Normal people are not exotic dancers. Normal people don't do drugs. You should make it a point to know where your stepson sleeps at night. Follow your gut instinct on this one.

If the child is being endangered, talk to the courts about your options. Also, talk to the child's pediatrician about these incidents and how it could be affecting him. It is much better for a child's parent to be absent than for him to have to go through this.

Sounds like with her, you may want to pick your battles. If she's just a bad mom, well, that's not a crime and kids love their parents good or bad. But if she is endangering the child, you should act to protect him now.

backseatmom's picture
backseatmom

Just fyi...Not all exotic dancers are addicted to drugs and alchol. Have you ever went into some of those places and talked with them? I have. Yes there is some but there are alot of good woman supporting there kids because of the dads being dead beats. Atleast the state aint supporting them. Not only are they great mothers they are also going to college to get degrees and are supporting thier children on their own.so before you start judging do some investigating....

Artrilliance's picture
Artrilliance

@ alissa: I am a NASM Certified Personal Trainer that had a difficult time retaining clients in an economic crisis. Call me a highly intelligent, educated, very ambitious MAN that has been in a situation of being a performer; Am I normal? I would think so. But what is normal? If we had the ability to probe your life, could we find imperfections or abnormal behavior? Probably not, sounds like you are perfect.

There are many people striving to make a difference in their children's lives that don't have many options and exotic dancing for woman can bring in much more money than some doctors or lawyers make. Not the most respectful feeling sometime, but when you want to best for the kids you love, you do what it takes.

@ backseatmom: Thank you for your words.

looking4help's picture
looking4help
WHAT?! She said all that about her ss and all everyone is worried about is what she said about dancers? Dancers r over 18, who cares lets worry about this child that is being hurt by this lady!