Jenni's picture
Jenni

Please and Thank you and You are welcome

Where did these phrases go?  I know they are still around.  I hear them from other kids, and even from time to time from the step children, the  thing is they are phrase that I personally never hear!  Why is that??  Why can they be said to other people but not to me.  And if I'm lucky all I get back from me saying thank you to them is a "Ya."  This is unexceptable to me.  But I can't seem to get them to understand this.

I m trying to be passive with everything, attitudes and manners, but I am getting weak.  That soon I will not let these manners go.  The more I make them be respectful, the less they are.  The more I am passive the less the care. 

What to do with the missing manners????



im_a_flymom's picture
im_a_flymom

This is easy. You are not getting the respect you want because you make it too easy for them not to respect you. If a child does not ask in a polite manner for something he/she does not get the item. If they do not say thank you, you simply take the item back. A few weeks of this and they will be saying please and thank you as they should.

KP's picture
KP

I completely agree. No deserves to be disrespected, but simply allowing your self to be disresected is what is unacceptable. you have to know that you deserve better and once you act how you feel (that it is unacceptable)you will give these children no other option. The advice that you were given works for any age. You can simply ignore requests that don't have a please attached or you can tell them I am ignoring you until...according to age (you choose to be respctful, you use the magic word, you say please, you use manners) This will force them to do so or go about getting it themselves. Your spouse should be helping you to correct these behaviors.

Jenni's picture
Jenni

Ok, ok.... maybe you are right. But I should I make them, when I know they know to use them. I let the step daughter drive home from dinner the other night, she asked, "Can I drive home?" So I said I guess so. So she did we got into the driveway and she took the keys out, and handed them to me........ I paused and then looked at her and said you're welcome. ....Pause from her kind of looking at me like" Ahh" And she said "Thanks"
There is so many different types of advice out there. They will come to it with time, accepting you that is and with that everything else will come. ANd then there is, what you all are saying.. make them show rescept. It's just so hard. To figure out witch one is the best one for me. Thanks for the support, and I do do what ya'll say... I just sometimes don't because it's to much work for me. Do you know what I mean. Thanks

Lapin's picture
Lapin

Yes, I know what you mean: You are too lazy to teach your children good manners - the one skill that will make the most difference in their long- term happiness. You are unwittingly teaching them to put on manners like a raincoat, and take them off when they're at home, or among people who love them. What could be more destructive of friendship and family life, not to mention the effect on their future spouses!

rosepedals's picture
rosepedals

I don't think that is has anything to do with being lazy or being a bad step parent. I understand what you are saying Jenni to a tee. I have 2 step daughters. One is 13 and the only time she says thank you is if she is getting her way. The other daughter is 11 and is very polite most of the time. Jenni you really have to find what works best for your household. I guess you might have to go back to treating them like I do my 5 year old son. I don't accept hgh from him so why accept if from the step daughter. GOOD LUCK!