Pregnancy
Discussion Title: new step son
Created by: fluffitcat
Created on: Thu, 06/19/2008 - 8:48am.
Created by: fluffitcat
Created on: Thu, 06/19/2008 - 8:48am.
Hi
I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have 3 children together. He recently found out that he has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. He has started to see him but has completely pushed me out. We argue all the time. I try to be supportive but all i get is that its none of my business. i dont know what to do!!
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Replied: 6/21/2008 4:43pm.
Just wanted to add, I don't understand why your husband won't go for a paternity test. If he really cares about how you feel, wldn't he want to put your mind at ease? Does he feel that you don't trust him? But then why wld you trust him, if he had a previous affair and he's being so vague about the whole thing? I don't know if this boy is your husband's son or not, but why not take the paternity test to be sure? In any case, is it possible that he's using this as an excuse to get back w/ his ex? I hope for your sake that this isn't the case, but be on your guard. For your husband to tell you that if you don't like the situation, you can leave, is really messed up. That's totally disrespectful to you and your relationship, and I wldn't accept it. That's just me.
Replied: 6/21/2008 6:14pm.
i dont know what to think. I have told him that if he doesnt want to be with me to tell me staight and we will finish. He says he loves and me and doesnt want to leave me. He is just so secretive about everything. He hides his mobile phone and wallet and has changed all his internet passwords. If i ask him he just says i am being paranoid and am trying to stop himseeing his son. I would never do that as i think children come first and they should know each other. He tells me he doesnt see his ex at all but she emailed me saying that iw ould never meet her son as my hubby ahd told her that our relationship was all but finished. When i confronted him he said he had told her that we were fighting all the time and if it carried on we would probably split up. He reckons she was hassling him to see the child more and he was trying to get her to back off. It hurts to think he discusses me with her especially so negatively
Replied: 6/21/2008 7:15pm.
I agree. Your husband shld NOT be discussing you or your relationship w/ this other woman at all. If he's there to see his son, if in fact this is his son, then that's all he shld be concerned w/. You're none of this other woman's business. Oh my God! I wld be so [filtered word]ed! Do you know where this woman lives? Also, cld you possibly try to get more proof so you can confront your husband w/ it? Cld it be possible that this other woman is jealous of you b/c of her previous relationship w/ your husband? I don't know. It all seems very suspicious. And look at the effect it's having on your child. Doesn't your husband care about that? Just for the way he's treating you, I wld seriously consider leaving this man. I know this must be really hard for you, but I'd hate to see you stay in this relationship and continue to get hurt. For your sake, and for the sake of your child, seek counceling w/ your husband. If he refuses, move on w/ your life. You don't need this kind of treatment, and your child doesn't need to be hurting either. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. I hope it all works out for you.
Replied: 6/21/2008 8:15pm.
Ok, I posted to you after your original post. But after reading your subsequent posts and you providing more information, I think I have a totally different view on things.
I was willing to think that his behavior was due to the shock of the new revelation of his having a 9-year-old son, but now I agree with the other posters that his behaviors give off too many red flags:
-he knew she was pregnant (so he knew there was a likelihood of a child), and I'm guessing he never told you about this? Or w
-he had a past affair---he should be doing all he can to earn your trust now, and he's certainly not doing that by calling you *paranoid* and saying that you are trying to stop him from seeing his son (trying to throw in the guilt trip on you.
-he refuses to have a paternity test done (I think any attorney would recommend that as a smart thing to do)
-He hides his mobile phone and wallet and has changed all his internet passwords. (that's a big red flag to me!- what is he hiding?)
You need to protect yourself and your three children. Now I think it would be a good idea for you to consult an attorney. If this 9 year old boy is his son, won't he have to pay child support payments? I don't know the law, but could there even be retroactive payments? Besides all the emotional issues, there could be major financial ones, as well. If your husband won't be united with you and see an attorney about these issues, you still need answers for yourself.