Britt555's picture
Britt555

NEED ADVICE! Stepfather crossing boundaries Adult Children

My mom married my stepfather when I was in my mid twenties, Since then it has been as ongoing issue with him crossing boundaries. I've had many discussions with him and her about it, and he told me that if he was doing it, it was not intentional, and to let him know when it's happening or he won't know. I agreed that this was reasonable.
Recently for my moms 50th birthday, I collected a bunch of pictures that represented various milestones in her life. I was very cautious to chose tasteful pictures. I posted them on Facebook with a loving birthday message, and she got really upset about it. Instead of phoning me and telling me she was upset, she had my stepdad start harassing my husband at work about it. And then sending me threatening messages. I told him that he was crossing a boundary by #1 getting involved in the first place, and #2 getting my husband involved. Since then, my mom has also had my Aunt sending me rude and nasty messages about it too.
Am I crazy to expect that my mom ask my stepdad and aunt to butt out? I feel like this could have been resolved with 2 people and a five min phone call. She thinks it takes 50 texts, FB messages and 5 people. Her justification is that her husband and sister are "defending her". From me? really? is this necessary? Should she not have tried to resolve this with me first?

Opinions appreciated!



Britt555's picture
Britt555
FYI; I deleted the pictures shorty after my husband called me from work.
junieg's picture
junieg
I agree she should have tried to resolve it with you first but obviously, she felt unable to do that and asked your stepfather to do it. He probably felt more comfortable talking to your husband than directly with you. I think you need to be very careful what you post on social sites if you don't have the person involved give you permission. As for your aunt also getting involved....well, there are two sides to every story and I just wonder what the justification is from the other side. I guess it''s a learning lesson to you about privacy and social sites.
Britt555's picture
Britt555
My mom and I have always had a close relationship. There was no ill intention in the pictures, and she has admitted to knowing this. My Aunt and Stepfathers' view in sending me these horrible, nasty and vicious messages is that they were protecting her. She posts pictures of me all the time without asking my permission, so I didn't feel that I needed to ask her, as she has never asked me. (she has posted pictures of me in bathing suits and I would never do that to her). I really feel like had she called me right away, I would have apologized and removed the pictures and it would have been over.
Britt555's picture
Britt555
MyStepdad complicated things severely, as now my husband is furious with him for stressing out his pregnant wife. My Aunt complicated it also as many of the messages she sent me were a personal attack, and had very little to do with the situation, she sent numerous messages and when I told my mom what was going on she refused to ask her to stop. Now, instead of it being an argument between my mother and myself (which usually resolves quickly), my husband won't speak to stepdad, or aunt, other family members were also pulled in and are really upset with my aunt as well. Now there is a huge rift, that is unlikely to ever go away.
spasq099's picture
spasq099
My stepdaughter is 15 and every time that her mother and I have a desagrement or argument she will text me and ask me if im leaving or divorcing her mom. Sometimes I wonder if thats her way of saying I want you out of our lives. I've confronted her about it and in one instance I was so upset as to what she text me that I strongly addressed her in front of her mother and demanded to know why was she coming to those conclusions and why was she interfering in our affairs, basically telling her to but out. I felt crushed afterward but my anger took over. She had a outburst and told me that its the way I get angry and that I threatened to leave onec before. My wife admitted that it was basically her fault cause she keeps involving her into her emotional breakdowns whenever she had issues with me. any advice please
Britt555's picture
Britt555
I think that you intended to submit another question. You actually just replied to mine.