mommys's picture

My stepdaugther is mean and angry

My step daughter is so mean to my biological daugher. She is 13 years old and her real mom left her as a baby. I could understand her pain and i steped up to be the mom she always wanted I thought I showed her affection and love.But now she gets so jelous any kind of time i spend with my bio-daughter makes her sad.She is very needy at 13 and always needs attetion. The problem is she tells my daughter to go away that she doesnt want to talk to her. I constly see my 8 year daughter crying and im tired    of it I can stand to see my baby in so much pain she is only 8 years old. If my bio daughter ever gets hurt in any way yelled at falls she laughs at her.I honestly feel like she hates her.The other day my bio daughter told me that she makes her step sister makes her do things she doesnt want to do.I dont even want to be around my step daughter any more.I have seen her rip one of her pictures mine and my husbands. She throws things she lies to me i dont know what to do.Me and my husband have talked to her about being so bossy and mean to her but nothing ever changes. I think I have a big heart and a lot lot  patience. And me and my husband are so in love.But I cant take this anymore. I feel like im being really selfish if stay in a situation were my bio and step daughter are so miserable.I just dont see how i can love and want to spend time with someone who is so awfull to my daughter.Should I just leave?

Disrespected's picture

When my step-child lived with us, I went through the same thing. Though she would lie to her father about my children. Some of the things that she has done and said about them was sooooooo mean. Since my husband couldn't deal with it, I did. I put an end to it. I had the same rules for all the children. The step-child felt that she should be treated differently. She had this sense of entitlement. It took a while for me to set the record straight with her. I tried speaking to her at first and that didn't work because she would go and lie to her father. From that point on I addressed her in front of him. I explained that her behavior would no longer be tolerated, if she had an issue with any of the children she was to tell us immediately. After removing her TV and anything that meant a great deal to her she finally got the message. Of course once she moved back in with her mom where there is no scheduled bedtime or rules she is back to being the same old coniving, manipulative child that I met 10 years ago. If both you and your husband do not stand up to her it will continue. Your daughter should never be made to feel like it is ok for anyone to hurt her.
I had considered leaving as well, but I stayed and I so regret it. She now has managed to cause problems from afar.
Talk to your husband and let him know that something needs to be done NOW.
Let him know that he needs to help straighten this situation now. Continue to show her love and try to have both kids do things with you at the same time. I found that many times it helped when I took my stepdaughter out for lunch where only she and I would talk. Please do not ignor your own childs feelings. She is your number 1 priority. Let your child know that she is to only take orders from you. Let the stepchild know that only you and your husband will give orders. Let the stepchild know that she is not in charge. I told my children to just walk away from her. Sometimes when given the same treatment it wakes a person up. Tell your daughter not to talk to her and if the stepchild questions why she is being ignored by your daughter, tell her. Let her know that your daughter has tried to be nice to her but just doesn't like the way she treats her. I KNOW THAT IT WORKS. This stepchild is getting a reaction to her actions and as long as she does it will continue. If your child just ignors her then she is no longer getting a reaction and it WILL stop.

Good luck.