Brendinsmom1's picture
Brendinsmom1

My sons step mother and taxes

Okay, I just want some outside opinions. I should let you know ahead of time that I am currently basing my decision on my character and how it makes me feel/look.
My son is 6 and his father and I were never married. We were engaged for 4 years until he cheated and eventually married. (I should let you know we are young, I’m 25 and he is 27) From day one she took over, I haven’t spoken to his father in 3 ½ years. She (age 23) has called me every name in the book and caused drama in many ways, including forcing me to stop talking to my son’s grandmother or they wouldn’t see my son anymore. It has never been easy, and I have always tried to do what benefits my child (which in my mind is to do whatever is necessary for him to see his dad). She has recently come up with the idea that they have the right to claim him on their taxes every other year (there are no legal custody arrangements) because he pays child support. He sees him every other weekend, but before the tax agreement would often skip or go a month or more without seeing him. Last summer they went 3 months.
I agreed to let them after an hour of her badgering me, and immediately regretted it. I have been battling with myself over it for a couple months because a huge part of me feels like they just don’t deserve it. She kept saying that if I didn’t agree they would just take me to court anyway and that I needed to act like a mature adult. The reason it’s so hard for me is because they have never done anything to make things easier for me. He pays support because he fears the law, and he sees him consistently ever since I agreed to the tax thing. At one point I even had to change my phone number because she was harassing me so badly. She even canceled his father’s automatic monthly payment of my son’s hospital bill which has now gone into collections because at the time I couldn’t pay on it. 3 years ago she called children services on me because my son had rug burn. They have always caused hardships. Imagine being FORCED to speak to a woman that treats you like crap and calls you names as soon as you show any sign of disagreement. Would you just AGREE to give them thousands of dollars because you feel it would keep peace? I just feel like a door mat. Both times I have told them I didn’t want to do it and both times it turned into an hour long text battle with that immature wife of his and I cave because I don’t deal with well with stress, it affects me physically. Another thing is they buy him things and spoil him but he isn’t allowed to ever bring anything home, and them claiming him takes money out of my household…
I have asked many of my friends at work, all good sound minded people, we work at a children’s hospital, and all of them tell me that they don’t deserve my kindness and that I shouldn’t feel bad about just screwing them over come next year. But I am a person of my word, and I’m definitely not a liar. So I thought I would ask advice as many places as I can, I am also using my works free counseling service and will be asking them as well. They literally are the only stressors I have. I love my job and I love my family. I am engaged again and have another beautiful child, we are all happy. What would you do?



step-mom to mom's picture
step-mom to mom

Hi. Tough situation you are in. I'm on the other side, I was the stepmom first...but a few things I'd offer as advise. First off, not to make matters worse but I'd get all your stuff in order, document everything and get a lawyer. Get something in writing about not only finances but also visitations, holidays, etc. If your ex and her have their own children there are bound to be even more conflicts...plan now b/c that is probably just the beginning! Hope that helps..Good luck. And yes, I know it's suppose to be about the kids...but with somepeople it never will be and that is just the sad truth.