Pregnancy
Discussion Title: My husband hates my son
Created by: Justaboutf...
Created on: Sun, 08/23/2009 - 1:46pm.
Created by: Justaboutf...
Created on: Sun, 08/23/2009 - 1:46pm.
I am not really sure what to do. I have been with my husband for three years and we've been married a year and half. While we were still dating, my son (who was 14 at the time) was caught smoking marijuana. He has been to inpatient and outpatient treatment for that. When my son was released from inpatient treatment I sent him to live with his dad in another state for awhile to try to get him in another environment. This was my husband's (boyfriend at the time) idea. Well my son had to go to court...it took several months to get a court date...and had to come back and live with me as part of his probation.
My son got a decent job after school and on weekends(he was 15 almost 16) and my husband (we were married by then) made my son give me half his paycheck to help pay for his inpatient treatment. I didn't agree with this and just thought it was part of being a parent having to pay for the treatment. My son was being rebellous to my husband which wasn't anything too bad considering he was a teenager. He did smoke cigarettes in the house which infuriated my husband. My husband made my son move out and in with my dad in a neighboring town. My son also did take some money from my husband (a couple of dollars here and there) but felt that my husband was taking his money by taking half his paycheck.
Here is the problem...every time my husband and I argue he brings up my son. He tells me all the time that he hates my son's guts and will never have anything to do with him. My husband won't go to any of my family get-togethers because my son will be there. Every argument turns into an argument about my son and how it's my fault that he smoked marijuana and that I should have been tougher on him. In fact, when my grandmother died my husband wouldn't even sit with me in the family section because my son was there. I am really starting to resent my husband because of this. I am considering divorce because I am so tired of arguing about my son, who no longer lives with me because my husband hates him. He is no longer allowed at the house if my husband is here. My son is definately no angel but my husband is 40 years old and is definately acting like a child.
What do I do? My son is a senior in high school this year and he will soon be on his own. I feel like I'm letting my son down by letting it go this far.
- Login or register to reply
- report spam
Replied: 8/23/2009 1:59pm.
I should also mention that my son has seen a child psychologist for his behavior. The psychologist said that there is nothing wrong him and he is a typical kid. The psychologist did tell me that we were too harsh on my son. I told my husband this but of course he thought the psychologist was wrong.
Replied: 8/23/2009 11:34pm.
I am so sorry.
Replied: 8/24/2009 11:01am.
Why are you letting your husband make all the decisions about your son? These decisions shld be between you and your son's dad. Do you have a good relationship w/ your ex? I don't agree w/ your son's behavior by any means, and I agree you can be a lot stricter. It's definitely unacceptable for your son to take $ from your husband. It sounds like he has a lot of resentment towards his step-dad b/c he's making all the rules, and you're going along w/ these rules even though you don't necessarily agree w/ them. You and your husband need to communicate better, and you need to set the rules for your son. You also need to get on board w/ your ex, and together you have to come up w/ a better plan of action, or this family is going to fall apart. Don't let your son have the control here. B/c you're all not on the same page, your son is getting away w/ these things. He shld be your first priority. Decide on a course of action and stick to it. Your husband shld be following your lead, not the other way around. I'm sorry things have gotten this far. Maybe marriage counceling or family counceling can be helpful. I hope things get better for all of you.
Replied: 8/25/2009 9:56pm.
Your son should be your first priority! He is your child and you are responsible to be the best mother you can be now and forever.
You husband knew about your son's issues before you got married and by doing so took on part of the responsibility of raising your son to be a man. The vows say "for better or for worse", not, only when their children are perfect.
No matter what your son's issues, and it was wrong of him to take money from your husband, you cannot let your husband treat your son and you so disrespectfully. Your son is at a point where he may be trying to turn his life around, or may be in the future, and you need to be there for him, and not allow your husband to behave as you state.
My late father-in-law and some of my husband's family members have been very unkind to me and my children (ie: invited his ex to weddings and not me) and when his father died, I sat right with them all. Your husband being unwilling to be supportive of you, by all of the examples you give, shows that you need to switch your loyalty.
What will happen when your son has your grandchildren? Are you not going to be able to see them? Think this through! How heartbreaking for you and the grandchildren. You are taking the very real risk of losing your son and your future grandchildren over this man. Don't do it. My children have many friends whose parents have chosen new partners over them and it has ruined their relationships. You will be the loser in the long run. You deserve a supportive and respectful partner and loving step-parent for your son, not a controlling and vindictive man. And, your son deserves more from you than your husband is allowing.
Replied: 8/25/2009 10:49pm.
It sounds to me that your husband is a very self centered person who needs all of your attention. Your son's behavior, while a little out of control, is basically just typical teenage mischief. He is a child still!! I'm sorry to tell you, but you should cut your husband off before he starts controlling every aspect of your life (if that hasn't already happened). I think you already know what you have to do. You seem like a strong woman with a great head on your shoulders. I wish you and your son the best of luck.