partyhardybaby2's picture
partyhardybaby2

My Boyfriend's Kids

I AM A 20 YEAR OLD FEMALE CURRENTLY DATING A 31 YEAR OLD MALE.  HE HAS TWO KIDS IN WHICH ARE CLOSER TO MY AGE THAN HIS. HIS SON IS 9 YEAR OLD AND HIS DAUGHTER IS 10.  THE DAUGHTER LIVES WITH HIM AND THE SON LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER. I DONT GET TO SEE THE SON MUCH BUT WHEN HE DOES COME OVER I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM. HE IS A GREAT KID! HIS DAUGHTER ON THE OTHER HAND LIKES ME ONLY WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND. SHE IS COOL WITH ME ONE  DAY THE NEXT SHE CANT STAND ME. I NOTICE THIS MOSTLY AFTER SHE HANGS OUT WITH MY BOYFRIENDS SISTER.  I WANT TO CONTINUE DATING MY BOYFRIEND, BUT IF HER ATTITUDE KEEPS UP I DONT THINK WE WILL BE TOGETHER ANY MORE. I SUGGESTED HANGING OUT DOING DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES  WITH HER, BUT EVERY IDEA I COME UP WITH, SHE SHOOTS DOWN...EVEN GOING OUT  SHOPPING HAVING A GIRLS DAY. I AM ALMOST AT THE POINT OF PRETENDING SHE IS NOT THERE....AT ALL. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS TO HELP HER AND I GET ALONG OR TOLERATE EACHOTHER.



im_a_flymom's picture
im_a_flymom

It sounds like she is a typical pre-teen. I'm sure she's a good kid, and it really sounds like you are trying to get along with her. I don't think there is any magical answer for you. I'd say she will probably be hot and cold with you for a while. It could take years for her to be okay with the situation. Or it could be less. Who know? This is the kind of thing that IS going to happen when you date men with children. Comes with the territory.

tamz's picture
tamz

Being 20 years old with no children of your own does not give you much wisdom into this area. It takes so much effort to combine families and you are closer to the childs age than to you boyfriends. I would like to give you some suggestions on how to build a friendship with this little girl, but my gut feeling is that this relationship will not last. The children will suffer along and so will you. My suggestion is to end this friendship now and date men who are more similar to your age and circumstance.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

tamz is giving you really good advice on this one. Find someone closer to your own age to date and ENJOY yourself! Leave raising these children to their father and have fun while you are young!!!!!.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

How long have you been dating your boyfriend? Are you prepared to be a mother figure to his children when they are around? If you're serious about this man and truly love him, you have to be prepared to put your life on hold for him and his children. Ask yourself these questions first. If after that you still want to commit to this relationship, talk to your bf. Tell him exactly how you feel about his daughter. Then let him talk to her about the situation and see if it can be recified. If you don't see a change in his daughter, maybe you shld reconsider the relationship. It's a tough situation. Sometimes when you're in love, you don't always want to see the big picture. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide. Good luck!