nicole74's picture
nicole74

Mom asking daughter to Lie to Father and Stepmother

So my Stepdaughter came home and said that she had a secret, she is 8, I said oh really, and then she said ; " I can't tell you though, mommy said I can't tell you or daddy' it upset me because we would never ever ask her to keep any secrets from her mom. How does one handle this and what advice can you give me, I want to make sure that we have a solid relationship and I don't want lying and deceit to begin , especially at the age of 8, she is to young to carry a burden like that.

ps, we found out that the mom wanted to keep from us that they are moving about 20 minutes away. It is clear that it will effect everything about our relationship with the mom in the sense of pick up and drop off and school zones and what not. I am very frustrated. Sorry for the long post.



meow's picture
meow
My husband and I have gone through a very similar situation. His daughter is 5 years old and her mother told her not to tell us that they were possibly moving in with a friend because it's a "surprise." We have stressed to our daughter that it is not okay to keep secrets for anyone and that we would never ask her to keep secrets for us. Of course, that makes me feel like we're saying her mother is wrong and I don't want to put her mom in a bad light no matter how we may feel. I think if you just let her know that deceit is NOT okay in any situation, she will understand. And I'm sure she trusts you and her father (I think her saying "I have a secret" shows she knew she shouldn't keep it and she wanted to tell you), so it's probably putting more strain on her relationship with her mother than her mom realizes. Hope this helps and I am sorry to hear about the mother moving-our situation is very similar and I completely understand your frustration.
lovelife240's picture
lovelife240
about the only thing you can do is teach her that lying is not ok.