Dugma's picture
Dugma

IF I don't live in the same town how can a be a father to my son?

I feel selfish and maybe even guilty because I recent took a new job which allows me to work from home. I could have moved closer to my son, but I moved further away so I could pursue a relationship with my current girlfriend. Since we have moved to Boston, I am now realizing I don't think I can start a family with her in Boston, as she would like...because how can I possible visit my son and still be father and husband to a new family. I feel like I need to move to Florida and end my relationship. I have had many relationships, this one is special BUT my son is about to enter manhood 8-16 can be tough and it would be better if I was a 1 hours drive, as opposed to a 8 hour flight.

Thoughts on seeking balance or should I just move near to him and let the relatiohship part take care of itself.

PS
Girlfriend has to move to Boston for residency, no choice.

Author: Dugma
Replied: 6/1/2010 5:11pm.

I really would appreciate some feedback.

I left my job with the United Nations to be near my son, after about 18 months of job hopping and dating a mix of women. I decide I need to move 4 hours north to Atlanta to finish grad school and maybe get a job in Atlanta, pursue a girl...that worked out. But then the girl moved to Boston, I graduated and got a great work from home job...I moved to Boston knowing that my son and his step-family are well in place. My son was 2 when I went to Iraq, my wife left me shortly after...he is now 8, he has a great step-dad, step brother (7) and sister (12). I am planning on seeing him a total of 26 days out of the next 7 months. I always told myself I would not measure my love by the time I spend or do not spend with him.



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

The subject line of your post gives you the reply to your inquiry. If you are able to return to the area where your son lives, do so. You make many good points in your post for you to make the move and be able to be there for your son. "Just move near him and let the relationship part take care of itself". You might not measure your love for you son by the time you do or do not spend with him, but your son may someday measure your committment to him by the decisions you make.