Stressed Mom's picture
Stressed Mom

I am so stressed I am seriously thinking of ending my marriage.

I got involved in this family when my stepson was 8. As a result of an unplanned pregnancy my husband and I rushed into marriage.

From the very beginning my stepson has had problems. He was failing school at age 8, refused to do his homework or his assigned reading. And would often stay up until 3am in the morning on school nights with his father.

I have tried my best with this child but I am frustrated. He has lived off an on with us through out the years and a year ago (he is 16 now) his mother sent him to live with us again because he was selling and using drugs and wanted his father to straighten him out. His Dad said he was going to be strict with him and straighten him out. But the stepson told his Dad he was sorry and was never going to do that again. So his Dad gave him complete freedom.

About a month ago he had his phone taken at school and the principle notified us that his phone was filled with text messages related to selling drugs.

Father took the car for about 2 weeks and but let him go out with out knowing where he was going or who he was with within 3 days of him getting caught. The boy cried again and said he was sorry and that he would never do this again. I took down a list of names and numbers of his phone of people he should not be talking to. One of them is a 31 year old man who was getting high with this 16 year old and supplying him drugs.

As of two days ago the stepson was caught hanging out with this man. And now the father does not think this is a big deal!! I tried to insist that his car be taken again because I warned him not to hang out with this person... he threw the biggest fit and in an attempt to get his Dad on his side grabbed a kitchen knife and held it to his throat threatening to kill himself (in front of my 4 year old daughter) if he didn't get his car back. I ended up calling the police and they even confirmed that this man has been arrested for many drug violations! But when my husband came home that evening and everything was my fault. I supposedly made the boy grab the knife, when I wasn't even there I was dropping my seven year old off at school! And I am to blame because I am judging this 31 year old man and my husband thinks it is okay for his 16 year old man to hang out with him because his child is telling him that the police are lying and this guy is a great guy. Yeah right. I don't understand how he can be in such denial!! And by the way my step son's bio mom agrees with me and says she has had it with him but his Dad still doesn't see it!

I am at the point that I really want out of this marriage. I feel disrespected and treated unfairly and I really don't want my kids around all this crap. I just don't know how to get out. I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years and I don't live near my family. What can I do??

acitez's picture

You have a really tough problem because you have been investing everything into making this family work, and not providing a safety net for yourself. Perhaps it would be good to test the waters on returning to your parents home over the winter holiday. See if they can provide you some support while you look for a job. If the older boy were not involved with drugs I would not consider disrupting your son's attachment with his father, but you are in a situation where there are no great options.

luckybunnie's picture

Well its certainly not a new problem. Get professional help. If you feel your relationship is worth saving then you should also want to save your stepson. You need help and should agree to get some and abide by it but with your husband being the enforcer not you. What if it was your child? How do you fix it, not easy and you dont want to throw him away and your husband cant. Family counseling, drug counseling, and last but not least lockdown schools for drug problems. Threaten the adult with charges of contributing to delinquency of minor if he doesnt stay away from your son. Spend time with son, get him in some activities that take him away from drugs and keep him from being bored!