Hers, Mine....and Ours? Help.
I have been VERY happily remarried for 2 years. I have 4 children from my first marriage (10,8,6,5), who are over for the normal visitation type schedule. She has one daughter from her first marriage (5) born essentially the same time as her divorce.
All that being said, believe it or not, we are quite happy and harmonious. The only 'issue' is that she wants to have a child with me. Even though my 4 kids are over quite often...she still feels that 1) she has only had one child, and always imagined having another, 2) she feels this is an important bond she wants to share with me 3) she had a horrible 'baby' experience the first time as she was all alone with no suport and nobody to share the excitement with. 4) she feels i deserve to at least have one child that is with us all the time...one that I don't have to give up.
This all makes sense to me...but here is the complication. I don't want another baby! I have already had a vasectomy that would need to be reversed. We have FIVE KIDS when they are all together already. We wouldn't even fit in our 7 passenger mini-van with another child! I can't help but feel that while in concept it seems very sweet and natural, and I can very easily imagine having a child with her, picking out nursury decorations, naming a baby, etc...in the end it would be extremely stressful, extremely expensive, and ultimately..could be bad for us. Since I'm the one with 4 kids....this makes me feel like a bad guy. I feel like she deserves to have another child!!! So I'm torn...
And here is the real kicker. I am crazy about my wife, and expect to be married to her for 60 years...BUT...i felt the same way during my first marriage, and she left, cheated, took my four kids, and tried to deny my basic visitation rights with lies that I had to have sorted out by the court system, courty psychologist, and CPS..which did happen eventually. I have to be honest....I really don't want even the slightest chance of someday fighting over one of my babies again, and that isn't going to happen at all..if I don't have another. On top of that, I am crazy about my kids. Their mother has already had 2 more with her new husband, and I have to admit..I kind of like the idea that these 4 will always be my only kids, and that while at home, they have to contenct with two new siblings...with me, they are everything and all I have. Are these aweful perceptions for me to have?