Feel guilty about stepson's involvement in family
I'll try to keep my post brief, but need to get a little bit of history in first. :)
My husband and I have been married for five years. He is my best friend and we are very happy together.
I have two sons from my first marriage, ages 10 and 11. My husband has three kids: two girls, ages 19 and 17 and a son, age 15. We have also just discovered that we are expecting our first baby together.
Until just recently, my husband's kids all lived out of state with their mother. They would visit for holidays and most of each summer. Because of this arrangement, I was able to maintain a very friendly relationship with them without having to become a disciplinarian. While certain things about their behavior have bothered me, it has been easy enough to overlook because they were just "visiting".
My ex-husband lives within 20 minutes of us, so my boys see him frequently. They stay with him every other weekend and one night a week. This arrangement has worked for us as well.
All of this changed a couple of months ago when my 15-year-old stepson decided he wanted to move in with us. I have been outwardly supportive of this. My husband has been very supportive of my kids and treats them as his own, and I feel that I owe him the same. I was very involved in getting my stepson enrolled at school and getting his room ready, etc.
My stepson is a good kid. He's immature and has a tendancy to lie, but I keep telling myself that he's just a 15-year-old boy, so what more can we expect.
My problem now is that I don't like the new dynamic of having him in our house fulltime. My husband and I don't have any time alone anymore. And I have been thrust into a parenting role with him, after five years of being a friend only. We are both struggling with this process.
The other feeling that I'm struggling with that has caught me totally offguard is a feeling of guilt toward my own sons for the time that my stepson is in my house and my boys are not. I almost feel like I'm being "unfaithful" to them by spending time with him, cooking dinner for him, etc. I know this sounds silly, but I can't really describe it any other way.
I find myself dreading the time my kids are gone and my stepson will be at home with my husband and me. I dread even more the time we are in the house alone. I am polite, but cold. I stay in my room and let him fend for himself. I obviously am feeling some feelings of resentment toward him.
Has anyone else been through this? I would like to say that I want some help on how to overcome it, but I'm not sure I do. I feel that the closer I get to my stepson, that it somehow minimimzes my relationship with my own children. And I don't even like the kid. I want to like him only for my husband's sake. Is that enough?