Extremely Difficult Situation
I am new to this community. I came across this website in desperate search on the internet for some helpful tips with handling the emotions that have risen over the past few months.
My husband and I have a unique and difficult situation: We were 9 months pregnant (read: I could have gone into labor at any moment) when he met his daughter for the first, then almost 4. There is a lot behind that, but he had no idea she existed until we were married. Because mom took him to court and then disappeared for a year, we did not meet her until our son was almost born.
Over the years there has been much drama with his ex, but this past fall we had to come with the police to remove his daughter from her mothers home because of her excessive alcoholism. Even though we have accumluated a mountain of evidence against her, and his daughter now lives with us, things are shaky.
I thought that his daughter and I had a pretty good relationship (she used to come and stay with us every other weekend) but now that she lives with us, things have been tumultuous. The crazy thing is that I am the one who is emotionally withdrawn from her, and I hate that I feel this way, but she annoys me to pieces. Then I feel guilty, and then I hate myself for it, but I can't seem to break down the barrier I feel.
So many things have happened and been said between her and I, (She was VERY mean for the first 3 months that she came to stay with us.) She is only 8 years old, and of course I know that she has been through so much.
She missed so much school, and so she is so behind, and that has not helped our relationship, trying to help her with her school work with my other kids to take care of (i have a 4 year old and a baby with my husband of 6 years) We can easily spend 3-4 hours on homework every day.
I just feel so lost....this has been so much harder than I thought it would be, and it seems to consume so much of my husband and mine's relationship. Sometimes I wonder if things wouldn'd be better off with us in different households, at least for a little while. I feel like every day I am drowning, and this negative situation is the constant thread through our family. My husband and I rarely talk about anything else. It is so draining, I just don't know if I want to go through this for another 10 years, but I also don't want to take my kids away from their father.