sparkietobe1973's picture
sparkietobe1973

Dramatic stepdaughter

Hi,

 

My spouse to be, as we are looking at getting married has 2 childern, the boy is fantastic(12) the girl(13) is a complete nightmare it seems.

At first I thought she was a little angel, she was very pleaseant, accpeted my son (9). Now it has been almost 2 years, OMG, I have seen alot come out of her, so much disrespect for her father, calls him names, and others not only him.  For instance, ew were going through some tough times finacially, and he was looking for work, he came home his parents and I asked, well how did the interview go, he said it seemed to be a waist of his time, she actually smirked and looked at him and said, haha, good !! What is that??

All our childern reside with our ex spouses, which makes it tough sometimes as we all need time with our kids one on one, and which I do respect, BUT one thing is this little girl, will not make time for her father it seems, BUT then when it comes to me now she asks if I am going to come with them etc. I feel she does not want me around. Which is fine I understand she would like one on one time with her father, I have no problem with that, BUT there is a major situation behind it all as well, her mother has told us she will make it tough as possible fo us( YES she is remarried AND has another baby, and has been married for several years) My spouse has been over paying her for over a year BIG money at that, and this is all coming to a head as well.

Sometimes I feel her mother is behind it all, as there has been many times that the mother has acted on facebook as the kids, emailing people, making comments about pictures etc. She got called on it and apparently all, chaos hit the roof,( it was her own sister that caught her)

Then sometimes I feel his daughter is very jealous, since I am the first girlfriend that he has ever had that he has been very serious about and been with for this amount of time. We plan on getting married and have not told the kids yet because of issues, of timing etc, and not wanting to rock the boat with his ex.

THEN, I feel his daughter just does not understand me, as I am in the trades, and not the typical "barbie", all about shopping and bossing a man around. Sorry, but is how the picture has been painted in what she expects a woman should be. That I am not, and also I am not a bad looking woman by far means either, just I do nto feel the need to keep up with the jones etc. She has a hard time seeing me come home from work filthy, and knowing what I do for a living, and I am not dressed as a secritary everyday with makeup on.

She has a difficult time understanding that I am very compliaant, BUT I will not alow her to speak to her father, or ANYONE else he way she does. That is where I draw the line. Lately I have given up, I won;t speack to her unless she talks to me, I find it is a waist of efforts, and hopefully she just realizes I am not going anywhere even if she wants to act like that. She seems to be very scarcastic but in a very mean way, a hurtful way, not a joking matter as most of us and the rest of the family are.

Advice would be great, but really I just want to vent a bit, to get it out, is tough at times because I am close with his parents as well and they are to the kids, is like they can do no harm, in which we all wish our kids to be. But sometimes you have to draw the line, I know for sure that if I were to start making to much effort that it will bit me in the end, my son has had to expierence me not being able to afford much when you are a fist year apprentice you do not make much money, and he understands NOW I do not have the money all the time, and our time is much better than anything we can do with money. That leads to my spouses ex's family in which they buy the kids everything and I believe they do it to buy thier love , and thier mother sucking us dry of everything we got and will not budge unless it goes to court, as I said ealier she said she will make it as tough as possible. So, either his daughter is just following suit to her mothers morals and values OR she is just being difficult,

I just pray one day she realizes we are all not bad people and have ALOT to offer her in expierences in life and not all life is about drama and making everyones world a miserable place(BTW her mother has only worked about 6 monhs of her life because she has been given everything she wanted as well, so it seems)

I know myself I am going to find it very hard now even if she does talk to me the daughter, as I know already only reason she does if she wants something, she gets what she needs then, BANG complete opposite with in 5 secs, NO KIDDING!

Thanks for listening and any advice, I am at my wits end at times. So for now I sit and watch, and let it ride for  now I am expensed with the mental effect this has had on m, BUT one thing I still will not allow the disrespect issue go, that disgusts me to know end and will not tollerate it.

Thank you to all



SteppinOut's picture
SteppinOut

It sounds as if your sd-to-be has had a good teacher! :) If her dad won't stand up to her, there's likely to be a problem if you continue to do so. For one, he may feel you are starting to 'pick' on his daughter. For another, you may start to resent him for not disciplining his daughter. And it's not necessarily over once they graduate.You need to go into this marriage with your eyes wide open.

I kinda feel sorry for your son having to deal with all of this. There was a lot of disruption in my first marriage, and I knew if I got married again (which I did) I would want a calm, loving, peaceful homelife for my son.

Just some things for you to think about. And I wish you luck!

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

You can do nothing about the disrespect as long as her father accepts this treatment. Think twice about marriage under these circumstances. Read the posts on the board. You will likely be in for a lifetime of heartache.