Lenore's picture
Lenore

Daughters' Wedding ...HELP!

I was married to my ex-husband for 21 years. I had asked a priest for guidance concerning our marital situation. He said, "You won't hear this from a priest too often, but you need to divorce this man". I followed my ex-husband (husband at the time) through out his 20+ years in the military. He was controlling and abusive. My divorce was over 11 years ago. Since then, both my ex and I have remarried.
The problem is my daughter. She will be getting married later this year. She is 27yrs old. She is planning on having her wedding at her father's house. (I have no issues with that, it's what she wants)
She has requested that I not bring my current husband. I have been married to him for 10 years. This man is the love of my life and supports any decision I make.
My daughter is not inviting any of my side of the family. I would be at the wedding alone.
My ex's family is quite large. I haven't seen them since I divorced my ex. Of course to his family, I was the reason for the divorce.
I feel like I would be walking into an ambush by going alone. None of my family, none of my friends at the wedding. I would be isolated. (Which is the way her father treated me during our marriage).
My daughter resents me for divoricing her father.
I DO realise that it is HER day.
I have been there for my daughter. Helped her in anyway I could. Always trying to make up to her for her feelings of resentment.
This time, I really don't know what do do. Our relationship isn't close because she wishes it that way. I don't want added resentment toward me for not going to her wedding. I also don't want to be a target for her resentment or any humilation and embarassment.
There is also the reception. The dances. Do I sit at a table alone, keep my mouth shut and watch???

Please let me know what you think....

Thank you in advance.



mayamay's picture
mayamay

I'd make a special trip to spend some time with her before the wedding--finding a dress, helping with some other planning, and gently explain that I won't be attending without my husband. I wouldn't give an ultimatum, she can invite who-ever she wants, but it is unbelievably rude for her to extend an invitation to you without him.

It is possible that she is cultivating a relationship with her dad because he is the powerful one. This is quite common when people have been in abusive relationships. The other explanation of her behavior would be if she blames your husband for the break-up of your first marriage. At any rate, I wouldn't pick a fight, just offer regrets and don't go.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Completely agree.

Lenore's picture
Lenore

My daughter lives on one coast and I live on the other. My ex is an abuser. My daughter is still looking for approval from him. Her father walks on water. By making me the object of her cruelty, she gets approval from her father. She knows that she will always have my unconditional love, however, not that of her father. She saw what he did to me.

Thank you for your feedback, I do appreciate it.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

I still think you should make every effort to go spend a little time with her before the wedding. When she finally grows up enough to figure out what kind of man her dad is, she will know that you made the effort to be a blessing at the time of her marriage.