se817's picture
se817

daddys girlfriend

i am dating a guy with a daughter who is almost 3 and she tells my mom my bf(her dad) and i....."my mommy don't like you", "mommy wants to beat you up" and she just recently told my mom "mommy wants to kill *beth*". im not sure what to think or do or say. any help on what you think about what she is saying at this young age?



mayamay's picture
mayamay
I'd back away from this situation.
se817's picture
se817
How? I wana spend the rest of my life with him that's not an option
mayamay's picture
mayamay
Just saying what I'd do. If you are going to volunteer to be part of this family, then you are probably going to be dealing with problems like this, that get bigger and worse over time. The three-year old is probably getting this from her mother. The mother is not going away. The 3-year old is not going away. The threatening words are not going away. It reminds me of those people who used to buy baby alligators. There were ads in the back of comic books when I was a child, and people would buy these baby alligators, because it was cool and fun. Then the baby alligator would get too big, and feeding it would cost too much, and killing the alligator was just too hard, so they'd haul it off to some vacant lot and leave it there to die. It doesn't take a whole lot of imagination to think that a baby alligator is going to get bigger, but people would buy them anyway.
se817's picture
se817
I'm not looking to get rid of her I love her she's a great kid...but. I just want to know what people think about. If this is ok for her mother to be saying this or what should be done to deal with what she's sayig for the sake of her daugther?
mayamay's picture
mayamay
You have no control over the things that are bothering you. Life is not a game. People are not game pieces that you can manipulate so that you are comfortable. This is a bad situation. You can stay with it, and be part of a bad situation, or you can leave it behind and have a chance at being part of a better situation.
mayamay's picture
mayamay
Those are just my thoughts. Anybody out there have experience with this sort of thing? Suggestions?
se817's picture
se817
Its not a game just wana know what is best for the child and her not being hurt. From what her mom is telling her. This isent about anything but her hearing this when she shouldn't be
mayamay's picture
mayamay
Scenario one. You explain to the dad that he needs to do a better job of protecting his daughter from the mom's behavior, that he needs to get the issues with his ex-wife handled BEFORE he starts a new relationship, and you move on now. The mom has less motivation to say these disturbing things to the child. The dad has more motivation to make his best efforts to protect the child from these disturbing things.
mayamay's picture
mayamay
Scenario two. You insist that the mom and the dad and the judge have a meeting about this harmful behavior. The dad gets full custody of the child. Who then misbehaves because her relationship with her mom has been disrupted. OR the mom realizes this is bad behavior and never says these things again. OR things just continue as they always have. I think the third alternative is the most likely of these three.
se817's picture
se817
Well I love himand her I'm not leaving I just want to make sure its not harming her by hearing these things its. Not aboutt me leaving its just about. How to make sure she is ok and if not what to do to prevent it from having or becoming more serious......I don't know if ur understanding completely.....senerio two ws prob the closest to what I'm wondering thou