sarah.g's picture

19 yr old with a curfew?!?

Okay, so i'm 19 years old (almost 20), i am home for the summer from college. My mom and my step dad have been together for 10 yrs , and he's treated me unfairly ever since. He has to older sons , which one has been in jail, the other is married. But they both haven't have the best relationships with him either because he is so CONTROLLING. I've constantly talked to my mom about it, but it's to the point now she just goes along with him and his crazy rules.The only time he ever talks to me, is to complain about nit picky crap like front door open (with the screen door shut) because i fed my cat. He flips out.Anyways, it's to the point to where i want to move out for good. Especially since i have a curfew at 11pm on weeknights, 12 on friday and 11:30 on saturday. INSANE. I am not dependent on them at all since my dad isnt paying child support anymore, hes paying for my college and apartment. I work but not enough to support me when i'm out of college. i buy all my own food, the only thing is a roof over my head. Tonight my boyfriend (20) got off work at 11 at a restraunt and came by my house to see me. He storms out there yelling saying im breaking curfew when im on my front porch? They say it's because they cant sleep unless im home and they have to get up early. Um sorry but my life doesnt revolve around you. and i think they can sleep just fine if were at home...on the porch...Oh and half the time i come home hes up on the computer till like 2am. WTF. asleep my a** Anyways, I need to cope this summer...Someone have any advice on how to deal with this controlling freak?

mayamay's picture

Can you find a second job? It must be tough, when you have been independent, to go back to being treated like a child.

2xstepmom's picture

If you choose to stay at home this summer, you will be making the choice to go by the house rules. While the curfew does seem unreasonable, especially since you have been away at school and have lived successfully on your own, your mother and step-father are within their rights to establish and enforce whatever curfew they choose for you, even at nearly 20 years old. It might be easier for you to cope if you look at following the rules at home this summer as a temporary situation and have a plan in place for future time off from college.

That said, from your post it seems you might be happier if you choose to move out. Would it be possible for you to find roommates and rent a place for the summer or rent a room from someone?

justme's picture

My stepdaughter just moved in with us close to 2 years ago. She is 17 now and doesn't believe (she hasn't believed since almost when she moved in) that she should have a curfew. Or that there is an appropriate time when her boyfriend should leave the house for the night.

This is a tough position for parents. You want your kids to have a good time, but you want some stability in the house as well. And you don't want to worry when you go to bed (or while your sitting at the computer at 2am) whether your kids are safe. Your mom will always worry about this, even when your on your own.

There also has to be some sense of schedule and routine in the house (at least in my house). With kids coming in and out it is hard. Here is my point of view: I never know how many to cook for. I don't know how to make plans because if we are getting tickets for somewhere or planning a trip we have to drag a commitment or decline out of her. Or if we make plans that don't include her - because she isn't around or we want to do something on our own she gets angry because she isn't involved. When her boyfriend is here they lay on the couch and watch tv. Sorry - it isn't comfortable for me to sit thee and watch they lay all over each other. Plus we don't agree on what to watch - so I get pushed to the computer room and my husband goes upstairs and reads. It is a disruption. And she thinks it's unreasonable for him to leave by 10 or so on weeknights. My husband also has to be up at 5am for work. We gave up on a set curfew - instead now, we ask where she is going, when she expects to be home and try to agree on a reasonable time frame. And last night I happened to be in bed when she came home - I had her come and tell me when she was home so I didn't wake up worrying in the middle of the night or when the sirens go flying by our house as they often do.

You are in your parent's home. That makes you a dependant. Whether it is for the summer or forever. It isn't that they dont want you there or that you are an inconvenience, I am sure they love you and aren't trying to push you our or make your life difficult. It is their home and their rules. Weren't there any rules at college? (I know, there are ways around the rules at college and your PARENTS aren't there to reprimand you). If you don't like it and can't live with it then you should find a way to get out on your own.