12 yr. old girl jealous of her stepmother...HELP!!
I have a 12 yr. old stepdaughter. I've been so sensitive and careful to give she and her dad their own private time together, but to also try to develop a relationship with her as well. I've taken her for special outtings with just me and her, even at the exclusion of my biological daughter, to try to form a bond with her. Taken her for manicures, pedicures, hairstylings, professional bra fittings; I've been extremely careful to be completely equal in gift giving at Christmas with gifts for all the children. She lives with her bio. mom but is with us about 3 days a week.
Recently, she's started exhibiting extreme jealous behavior. Insisting on riding in the front between us on long trips, insisting she gets car sick, even though when it's just me, her, and my children, she rides in the back willingly. Jokingly asking her dad who is prettier, me or some actress on t.v. Even insisting on sleeping with us on one visit when my children were gone to their father's. However, today, she jokingly engaged in a conversation whereby she asked her dad who he loved more, me or her. He told her he loved us both the same. She insisted that NO, he had to love her more than me. He thought she was kidding, and said yeah, he loved her more, to which she responded, "ha ha ha ha , see, he loves me more." She also grabbed his hand as he was rubbing my foot and said, you can rub her foot, but you wont' tickle my foot? As he was leaving for work and trying to kiss me goodbye, she grabbed his arm and DEMANDED, "Let's GO, daddy!" as he was taking her back home to her bio. mother on his way home. Pulling him away from me as he was trying to kiss me goodbye.
My husband at this point realized she was extremely jealous, something he has not realized up until this point. She climbs in his lap, crawls up next to him on the couch to lie in his arms. All of which is fine with me, but if he tries to demonstrate any affection to me at all, she interjects herself to demand his attention.
I've said nothing so far, but I can see much trouble ahead. Her behavior is bizarre for a 12 year old and even my daughter noticed it today and commented on it. My husband noticed it as well and it concerned him too. I told him he needed to address the behavior before it began to cause trouble.
I just don't know if he can or will because of how father's are when their children visit part time. They are often reluctant to say or do anything for fear of angering the child or making it not as appealing as home with their mother.
PLEASE ADVISE! I love my husband dearly and have tried very hard to make his daughter feel very much a part of our family since she does not live with us full time, and have tried hard to develop a relationship with her because I too was a step-daughter whose stepmother did NOT like me. So, I am extra sensitive to be inclusive and loving to this child, almost overboard sometimes at the expense of my own children. But, I now realize this has to stop.