momof2TX's picture
momof2TX

Needy 8yr old

New to this site, looking for any moms who have experienced this. My 8 yr old is ADHD, my EX, her father, pasted away 12/08. She displays the ongoing many ADHD behaviors, but she is sooooo needy with me, I am a FT single mom, we really have no family/support system to speak of. I have no real life apart from her, I am with her almost always outside school, but she is still so needy,yes I know some of it is from the grief. I have taken her to 2 different counselors over the 3 yrs, no results, felt like a waste of time and money.
I think some of it is a power thing, because she wants me to do things, I know she knows how to do!
So how do I get her UnNeedy?! I have searched the internet for info, but could not find anything.
thanks,



Dee Mercer Behaviour's picture
Dee Mercer Behaviour
Is there any support for you at her school - can she attend any clubs after school to give you some time to yourself? She is probably scared that you are going to 'leave' her and clinging on for comfort. Maybe you could set a chart up for her to show the milestones you want her to reach with a small reward when she completes a task. A visual reminder of her personal success' will spur her on to achieve more. Stay strong and confident and she will begin to accept the things you expect her to do. Are there any support groups that you can attend for parents with children who have ADHD in your area - check the internet to find out. I work in a unit with pupils who have ADHD and behavioural problems and firmness and consistency generally get the response I require. Good luck.
mayamay's picture
mayamay
One thing that is important is to be responsive to her. When she shares information or shares her feelings with you, be sure to take note of it and respond appropriately. Don't argue with her when she says something that is negative, just accept it. Try not to think of it as a power struggle. Instead, think of yourself as her resource, as well as the person with authority over her. She needs to see that you can be a strong advocate for her, and also that you have high expectations of her.
momof2TX's picture
momof2TX
I use some of those suggestions, i think it's just a side effect of the grief and it will take time. There aren't any ADHD groups in my area, thanks
Erin D's picture
Erin D
Camp Erin is a great program for grieving children. Not sure if they have a camp in your area, but do an internet search for The Moyer Foundation's Camp Erin.
balancedmama's picture
balancedmama
First, I'd suggest getting her back into counseling, it takes time - a lot of time. Also, while she is at her sessions, you'll get an hour to yourself. Second, Look up Sitter City, for finding care providers for whom you can have a background check done. They are online. Third, I suggest reading, "The Five Love Languages" (book, just google the title). She may be asking you to do things for her that she can do because for her it is a reassurance of your love and presence. For now, I'd humor her. Finally, with ADHD issues it can be hard to find a teacher that is the right fit but learn about fidgets, standing to do work, de-cluttering. . . to help your child at school. ADHD itself can become a reason to lack confidence because these kids get told how they should change a lot. Google, "Teaching Wiggle Worms, pinchxeverything" for more information on coping strategies.
lovelife240's picture
lovelife240
counceling will help. i have a 17 year son with adhd and his father passed when he was 8 as well. we went through alot of ups and downs through the years. its going to take alot of patience and please think hard before you put your child on any adhd medicines they make things worse and can cause long term health problems. i chose not to medicate and now that my son has reached puberty he has learned to focus and calm on his own.children with adhd tend to have a better day with consistency and an every day same routine to follow as well. hope this helps.