katiesmom's picture
katiesmom

I am new here

Hello, I am so happy I found a place were there are other parents living with children with LD's. My husband and I have a 13 year old daughter who loves Patrick Dempsey and Hannah Montana but she cannot do simply math by herself or get the shampoo out of her hair alone.

She is in a special needs school that is very good but I would like it if they would help her more with her speech. I do worry about her future, and when she is around mainstream kids I can see how different she is and I get angry "why my child"

My husband and I were told we couldn't have children but after 13 years we had my daughter. She is our life, I just wish life would be easier for her. 

I hate when my husbands family looks at us with those pity eyes. I am raising my child to be an independent women as best as can. I expose her to the arts which both her  father and I work in. 

Thank you, Janet



tamz's picture
tamz

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job loving and encouraging your daughter! Just keep up the good work and don't bother asking "why me" because that's not going to change anything.

As for the "pity eyes" i'm thinking it has more to do with love than judgement. Take advantage of this love and help re-direct it. Speak with your in-laws and ask them to avoid treating your daughter with pity. Ask them to help encourage her independence and to celebrate her life and her accomplishments just as they would any other child in the family. I bet they will understand...

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Janet,
I understand totally what you are feeling. I go through many of the same emotions as you. My son is just 5, and he too has learning problems. We've been up to our ears dealing w/ the difficulties that go along w/ his disability. It's really hard. He, also, is in a spec ed school where he is doing quite well. The teacher is wonderful and kind, and she understands our son's needs. Mainstreaming is very tough. We tried it. Also being around other "normal" children who have no disabilties is really hard. I think socializing is our biggest challenge b/c no one truly understands why our child is the way he is. I, like you, want my child to be treated like any other child his age. Despite his disability, he's a normal 5 yr old. He likes the park, swimming, crafts, ice cream.... Why does he have to be singled out?
As tamz said, stop asking why. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and your daughter. You are doing all the right things exposing your child to things she enjoys doing. Although my son has a disability, he has many other special gifts that make him wonderful. He's sensitive and loving. He's fun to be around. He tries really hard, and he's eager to learn.
Try not to listen to other people's ignorant comments, and pay no mind to those looks of "pity". A lot of this come from others that just don't understand, and probably never will understand unless they're experiencing it themselves. When it comes to family or those I can trust, it's helped me to explain my son's disability to them so that they better can understand him. You don't have to go into every detail, but you can give them just enough info to satisfy their curiousity. I always wondered why my son had to be the topic of discussion, and why others didn't have anything better to talk about. Unfortunately, though, it goes w/ the territory. You can get mad, put people in their place, or just ignore their actions. I've done it all. But mostly, focus on your daughter, her well-being, and how you can best help her. Always talk to her and be there for her. Continue to expose her to different things that she enjoys doing. Also, it's been very helpful for me to get support from other parents of children w/ disabilities.
You are always going to be over-protective of your child. However, you have to be realistic about this too. I've learned that I can't always shelter my son from every hurtful situation. Throughout his life, he needs to learn how to best handle these challenges. Whatever works best for you, do it. I also recommend counceling for you and your family. It helps to talk about the feeling that you have and to learn how to best cope w/ them.
Hang in there. It's a tough journey to go through, but you've made it this far. I'm just starting out, and I see how challenging it is. I wish you and your family all the best always.

katiesmom's picture
katiesmom

So nice to be around other's who understand what you are dealing with. I thank you for your replys they helped.

My daughter is an only child sometimes I feel if she had a sibling she would be around a mainstream child and not feel so embrassed because she isn't on there level. I had to take her out of a daycamp a few years ago because the other kids were teasing her so much. She has cousins and friends in the area that are mainstream she plays with but I know there parents and know my kid is safe with these kids.

Thank you again
katiesmom

katiesmom's picture
katiesmom

I appreciate all your help.