chilepastor's picture
chilepastor

Whether to talk to son(s) about dating after divorce.

A little background, my wife and I divorced a little over a year ago. 
Marriage had some serious damage, but we seldom let it show to our
kids.  I wanted to keep trying, despite knowing my own
faults/contributions to a distant relationship & flawed marriage. 
She fell for someone else and continues to date the person for whom she
left the marriage.  My kids are now both within the age range of 6-10. 
We are nearly 50/50 in our time with them. 

My question(s): Should I ask either of my kids what they think about
the other guy being around?  She hid the relationship from them for a
year+ but now is having him over to the house a bit.  Not sure whether
I should only wait to see if they want to talk to me about it.  Also, I
am beginning to date and wonder whether (or how much) they should know
about that.  Thanks



saartjie's picture
saartjie


Talk is one thiing, questioning him - no. Try to have a normal conversation and make a possitive statement but very casual if you have to but never queastion them about that. Build a trusting relationship with them. Remember children do not get divorced parents do. They love both parents and would not want to be put in the middle of it. In a general conversation you can for instance say" you must always remember we both love you very much, we both will see some one from time to time but that it is very inportant that they must fell secure and happy about it. Tell them that you respect their opinion in all changes that might occure and that is is inportant for you that they are comfortable with everything that is or which is still going to happen. If you need to know something remember that "we" is much more effective than "you, her, or they". Build a trust relationship. After a divorce children feel let down by both parents and we have to start building from scratch. Good luck.

gail's picture
gail

My opinion is that parental dating is a private matter, not the minor children's business.

nestley's picture
nestley

I agree 110% with saartjie I also am a single parent of 3 and you can only reinforce how much you love them and that you will always be there to talk to about anything! Express that you will always be there dad no matter what!