studentmommy24's picture
studentmommy24

Unstable Ex and My 2 yr old that Loves Him

I am a 24 yr old single mother of a beautiful 2 yr old boy. His father and I were never married and we have been seperated for my son's entire life.

My ex took it very hard when I left him, even though it was ultimately his fault. He was never home, when he was home he was drunk. He didnt really have anything to do with our son until he was old enough to "play". Since my son is in the "fun" toddler stage my ex wants to spend more time with him, which is completely fine with me. Especially considering that it is difficult studying for finals with a toddler.

I am positive that he treats our son very well. My son absolutly adores him and misses him when he is not around.

Here is my problem......He was abusive towards me during our relationship, after the break-up, and even now. If I do not completely comply with his requests he threatens me and my family. In the past two years he has: broken into my apartment twice, destroyed my livingroom furniture with a knife after holding it to me, put sugar in my gas tank, shattered the windshield of my car, stolen and broken two different cell phones, has made it impossible for me to have any relationship with a member of the opposite sex, stolen clothes, stolen at least eight pairs of shoes, and threatened my life.

But between these out bursts he is very caring and giving to our son.

Two days ago, he had another out burst because I wanted to keep the baby for the weekend. He now says that he is going to continue to ruin my life if I don't allow him to get our son. I have involved the authorities on multiple occaisions. I cannot prove that he is the one that is causing all the damage. They won't do anything and he is aware of it. I dont know what to do. Please help.....



Free2speak's picture
Free2speak
Step back and read your post and try to be objective. Some of the key words: drunk, threatens me and my family, broken into my apartment twice, destroyed my living room furniture with a knife after holding me to it, sugar in my gas tank, shattered windshield of my car, broken two cell phones and..threatened my life. Then you say...between these "outbursts" he is very caring and giving to our son. Seriously? Problem number one in this situation is that you have not held this man accountable for his crimes. Many of the things that he has done to you are felonies. You should at a MINIMUM have a restraining order.
Free2speak's picture
Free2speak
You are an enabler in this situation. You have enough to get a restraining order. His outbursts are probably predictable so you should either have a voice recording or a video of him doing something. Either way if you let your son spend ONE minute with this guy you are seriously wrong. You need to make a police report EVERY time something happens that way it is documented. You should stop all communication with this guy and move on. Tell him so and then get a restraining order. When he violates that they will lock him up. Just because you made a bad choice of a sperm donor does not mean your son has to be put at risk. There is more to being a father than him having the child a couple of times a month. A real father would not treat the mother of his child like that. Again...move on.
justadoubikin1's picture
justadoubikin1
@ free2speak you are really going blame the victim here? However studentmommy I have to agree REPORT EVERY OFFENSE! Authorities cannnot continue to ignore this type of violent ciminal behavior. Also keep a journal as accurate as possible, it will be very useful in court should it get that far. Ask some one you feel safe with to come stay with you for extra security, if that is not an option then YOU go stay with some else, preferably a safe location he won't think to look for you. And DO NOT let him take your child anymore, no matter how great he is "playing dad" this week.
bn818's picture
bn818
I am in this same situation almost identically and I agree, file restraining order. It may not keep him away at first but it WILL do is get police on your side when this stuff does happen! They don't take these violations lightly! If he violated AT ALL report it immediately! Not next day or even next hour! Trust me, they need to know right away. It's hard to go through if he is violent but it could save you and your sons life. It's saving mine. Good luck to you.
bn818's picture
bn818
He may.be loving to your son but he is obviously mentally.unstable to do the things he does to you. Not to scare you but what if he tries to get back at you by taki.g or hurting your.son? You need to protect him in all of this. It is no life to allow your son to be a part of.