stormi's picture

toddler problems caused by new relationship

Hi, I'm new to this blog but am in some desperate need of some good advice-preferably from some one who has had/having the same experience.
I a m a single parent of a two and a half yr old girl, I have always been a single parent as her dad requested no involovement and they have never met.
I have started a relationship and it has now been going for 6 months and am deeply in love. I am having alot of trouble with my girl accepingg having someone else around alot of the time(it is not a live in relationship) She is making it impossible for my new partner to bond with her, she is throwng tantrums-mainly aimed around things he is doing, although he may only be trying to help her do something. He treats her extremely well and has never done anything to make her dislike him. She is fine most of the time he isn't here and asks about him and says she misses him but the moment he's around she treats him as the competition. I know she's used to it only being the 2 of us and is doing this all for extra attention but i really need some tips to help me cope with her being like this as she's always been a good kid iv'e run out of ideas lately. I feel 6 months has been quite some time for her to start to adjust, and while she is used to him being around we kust dont know what ele to do to make her realise there is no comp. anyone think maybe they need to spend time without me to form their own bond? what other suggestions are there please???

acitez's picture

How are you providing for yourself and your daughter?

I ask for a number of reasons.

As a little child with one parent, your daughter is at high risk for all the things that come along with poverty. If you are independently wealthy, well, that removes that concern. If your extended family is supporting you, or you have a network of really amazing friends who are supporting you, well, again, the poverty issues are moot.

If you are working, then the issue of non-maternal care comes up. If she has had a consistent relationship with one or two other care-givers her entire life, then that is excellent, even optimal. If her care-provider has changed more than twice then she has a level of stress that is higher than would be optimal for a young child. It could be that her behavior to your boyfriend is a response to other issues in her life, and he just happens to be the target.

2xstepmom's picture

At 2 1/2 there is probably not much you can do to make your daughter realize there is no competition. Many children your daughter's age behave as you describe, and view any new relationsip as competition. I would not suggest you having your daughter spend time with this man without you until she is older. At 2 1/2 she is unable to communicate what she is feeling about the changes in her life, thus the acting out. Give their relationship time to evolve, 6 months has obviously not been enough time for your daughter to feel comfortable with your new relationship. It took my own daughter 2 years to develop a positive relationship with her stepfather. You and your b/f need to realize your daughter needs additional time.

hellothere's picture

Hi stormi,
I am in almost exactly the same situation and was just searching the internet for advice and your post came up. I'd love to hear how things are going with you guys as it seems to be very difficult to find advice for people in our situation.
cheers :)