Divinnna's picture
Divinnna

Single Parent in Need of Some Serious Advice

I'm a single parent of a seven-year-old child. We have no communication with her father or his family. Four years ago after a court visit he calmed he was moving to Tennessee, never provided us with a contact number or an address. My biggest mistake was choosing him as my daughter’s father, he already had a family and we got together during a time when he was separated for a period of two years. (So he told me, but this resulted not to be true after I found that I had conceived and she conceived a month prior) Since his last visit 4 years ago I have noticed changes in my daughter’s social behavior towards male boys. She rather plays with boys, and has even engaged in kissing boys. We have been in counseling before but have not been consistent, due to losing my insurance every time I loss a job. In seven years I have been employed by 10 different employers and been dismissed in 8 out of the 10. My lack of concentration and inability to complete tasks on time played the main roll for my terminations. Recently, I have noticed that my daughter has been displaying anger at home. She recently told me that she blames me for her father leaving her. She told me that he left because I always gave him attitude and was never happy to see him. I recently tried reaching her father's family but was not successful. Can anyone give me some advice? I want to eliminate the anger she's feeling, and don't want to damage her.



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I've never been in your situation, but in my opinion you need to find a way to get back into counceling for both yourself and your daughter. Can you maybe look into clinics in your area that offer free counceling? I really feel that your daughter's father shld be taking part in this process, offering support, if not emotionally, then at least financially. I'm sorry that he's not in your lives. You, as a mom, need to talk to your daughter about her behavior and keep tabs on who she hangs out w/. She's only 7 yrs old. She shldn't be kissing boys. As for your job situation, I sympathize w/ you. Maybe you shld go to an employment agency and see what they have to offer that you are able to handle. Also, discuss w/ a dr your challenges, and maybe he/she can help you better cope w/ them. In any case, you need to be able to support yourself and your daughter. I know your daughter's father is no longer in the picture, but is there anyone you can lean on (a family member or friend), until you get back on your feet? I'm sorry I don't have all the answers for you. I only hope you can get the help you and your daughter need at this tough time. I wish you well.

natalie99's picture
natalie99

hi how you doing ? children hit out at their parents as a cry for help as something is upsetting them . have you tried explaining to your daughter why her daddy left?

tamz's picture
tamz

Divinna, I feel greatly for you and your situation. YOU MUST KEEP A JOB...Sometimes when I am distracted I take my employment moment by moment. I start out by having a little talk with myself and if you believe in God then start out each shift with a talk asking yourself to do your best today. Then just keep working in each moment. If you just keep working then you will gain more working perspective. If you find you are bored or distracted with one task then do something simple (like filing) and then come back to the other task, but tell yourself that you need to be working during the time you are on the clock..................................................................................................................................
I'm sorry about the situation you have gotten yourself into in regard to this man. He is not honorable. You should contact your county assistance program. They can help you get money for food and they will also help you get an order in place for this man to pay child support................................................................................................................................
Your seven year old can not understand all the dynamics of adult situations and mistakes. You must remind her that you love her any chance you get. Don't tell her about her father being a huge slug, but gently tell her that her dad is allowed to come and see her but he does not. As she grows keep reminding her that the relationship he has with you is seperate from the responsibility he has to her....................................................................................................................................
I know you are alone and you want a family for your little girl, but if this man was going to be a father to her, he would not be hiding from you. Don't waste your effort on contacting his family, let social services do that. Focus on your job and on your little girl. Times get lonely and it's easy to feel sorry for yourself (trust me I know) but don't make the mistake of spenging your energy worrying about the family unit you don't have. Spend you energy on making your household as happy as possible for your little girl. Get involved in her school and whenever you find yourself resenting him or your situation call a trusted friend. Tell someone that you are working toward a healthy life and let them build you up. Keep a journal of all the good things that happen to you each day. Go see funny movies and don't listen to sad love songs. Improve yourself and your attitude... get a job .. make yourself someone your daughter admires... and pray .... I really hope you can help yourself and your little girl ...