jolynn0871's picture
jolynn0871

single mom, difficult father

I'm a single mom of a 3 year old daughter. i started dating almost a year ago. her father and i were never married and went thru nothing but drama issues, lies etc. he is in her life, i call him the babysitter, he picks her up 3-4 days a week only while i work. wont take her evening or weekends. i dont go thru court cause he owes me $ so i wait for him to pay me off and go from there. it was a bitter break up involving his other girlfriend that he still denies having etc.. anyway. he found out i was dating, mind you we have nothing between us but our little girl. i found a wonderful single dad. its going great, and he started staying over when he doesnt have his daughter. is that wrong? is it a bad infulance for my daughters sake? her dad seems to think so and gives me grief. and that's putting it nicely. parents split up all the time and have relationships and eventually sleep overs. we are exclusive and look forward to a future. i spoke to a lawyer and he said the father has no right to tell me what to do in my own house. my daughter is safe, no harm, and loves my boyfriend. so how do i deal w/ my ex? i try to ignore him..and i'm trying to be adult. i dont want to fight. especially in front of our daughter. but this is putting a wedge in my relationship w/ my boyfriend. besides the fact i have no social life. i work 2 jobs to support my daughter and i, i just want him to chill out, and be civil. and take his daughter even once a week overnight or one night on the weekend



Synergy's picture
Synergy

Don't worry about it, you're doing the right thing I think. You're a very hard working mom and you should have the right to do whatever you want. Stay strong! :D

ward's picture
ward

A single moom is difficult for father is the mother have a st of work 2 do win they have a baby some time some of mother have time 2 do wath they like 2 do but I have baby boy his name is michael i do not have time 2 do wath i like do os that life......................................

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I think first and foremost, your daughter shld come first in all this. I think it's good that her bio dad is in her life, even though it's unfortunate that he's interfering w/ your relationship w/ your new BF. I think your daughter shld know that her dad is her dad and not just a babysitter. She has a right to know this, despite your negative feelings towards him. I also feel he has a responsibility to her as well. It's good that he takes care of his daughter some days, but if you guys can work out an arrangement around both your schedules (work and social), that wld be ideal. I don't know if your ex is under any legal obligations to supply financial support, but if he cld help out in that way too, it wld certainly make things a bit easier for you. As for your relationship w/ your current BF, I think you have every right to move on w/ your life and be happy. It sounds like this guy is good for both you and your daughter. Try not to let your ex get in the way of you two. The only connection he shld have w/ you is your daughter. You, in turn, shld show him the same respect in his relationship w/ his GF. That's none of your business either unless it directly affects your daughter. Make this all clear to your ex, and hopefully he will understand. On the wkends, maybe you can take turns. You all deserve to be happy for your sakes and the sake of your daughter. Good luck!

jolynn0871's picture
jolynn0871

thanks for the input. i do talk to her and call her dad. the "babysitter" comment stays w/ me. i have tried to work w/ him and he is a constant battle for me. as if he doesnt want to see me happy, but yet he can enjoy every night and every weekend. it will come back to him. for now i try to be nice and be the adult. he's going to have to get w/ the program soon! i said i would never take his daughter away from him, but I cant force him to take her overnight either. i ask here and there for him to take her overnight and hope that he will. she does come first, but i also need to have some kind of social or time to myself.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I'm sorry your ex is being so difficult. You're doing the right thing. Is there a family member or friend or even a babysitter you can hire to help you out on the wkends? You deserve some time for yourself. What about your daughter's grandparents? Can they help?

tamz's picture
tamz

Jolynn,

I used to believe that my ex husband's absence and lack of responsibility would "come back to him" it never did. I worked every day and gave up almost all my personal time for years while he lived free of responsibility. They are grown now and he has a friendship with both of them. I always dreamed that when they grew up they would somehow recognize how he left it all to me and abandon us and then he would be sorry; that did not happen and of course that's a good thing for the boys not to hold resentment. The point is, it never came back to him. Take him to court and get ordered visitation and child support; if you don't, your a fool.

jolynn0871's picture
jolynn0871

thanks for your response. i have hesitated to take him to court. he owes me $, and we have financial ties that i have been asking him to clear up so we dont have them anymore. once those were cleared i would take more action. he will never change and although i do my best to be patient and ignore him he does nothing but belitte me and tell him it's ruining our daughter morals and views. my daughter does come first. and i spend and do so much for her as any parent would. if i didnt think my relationship w/ my BF was going anywhere, this wouldnt even be an issue cause he wouldnt be around as much. all i want is her father to have some respect for me, and one night everyother weekend to take her overnight so i can have one night to myself. is that too much to ask? she will learn for herself and the hard way was a jerk her dad is

itcoll's picture
itcoll

In my opinion,you are doing the right thing.Do not let the ex pave the route for your life.As a single mother,i wish you the best of luck.

Becca25's picture
Becca25

i am going thru the same things but omly difference is that i have three beautiful kids and the only advice i can give you is keep doing what you are doing dont worry about what you ex have to say he will regret it in long run couse you arent losing out on your daughters life and i also think that u should just not worry about the money he owes you but worry about the money YOU need to raise you child the way she needs to be raised. i hope my advice helps