mystifier's picture
mystifier

scared please help

Please help, my daughter is 7 and has been an awesome kid. I have never really had any problems with her. We are 5 weeks into second grade and life has turned around on us. I got out of an awful relationship in april. She left for the summer in june and came back at the end of august. She got sick with the flu really bad, that lasted about 2 weeks. She was going to school but missed a few days cause she was so bad. And now our life is finally getting on the right track and I find out that she has been lying to me since school has started. She has been stashing her homework in a school desk in the hallway. And she has gotten in trouble 15 times(in JUST 5 weeks)! I did punish her and now she is grounded for 5 weeks. But now I find out that she is almost a bully. She is not a bad kid, or a mean one. But she is mean enough to hurt a kids feelings.And she is not finishing her work in class. I don't know what is happening. Is it my lifestyle? Which by the way is working all the time and doing some on-line college courses. I don't have a life. There has not been a man in our life for 6mths. But I did meet this guy and I have gone out with him a few times but he has not met her. My decision. They know about each other but waiting for "mom" to tell them when. I don't have a whole lot of time with her. Not like I should. I need someone to tell me what to do. How can I fix this? Please LOST IN IDAHO!!



dukies4ever's picture
dukies4ever

There is something wrong in your daughter's eyes.  Instead of trying to pry it out of her or run the risk of getting angry with her response to what is bugging her, I would ask to have both you and your daughter meet with the school counselor.  The counselor can be an objective listener and prevent a blow out.  It would also be beneficial to have the school counselor meet with her on an individual basis.  She may feel more comfortable expressing herself without you in the room.  Consistancy is the key to stability.  Children desire a predictable schedule no matter how spontaneous their personality is.  With her being gone the whole summer, you must reestablish a predictable and stable schedule for her.  Is it possible to have her gone for shorter periods of time?  For instance, maybe a week or two at the most.  Flip-flopping between houses makes chaos in the mind of a child.  Also, be sure that you are spending good quality and a good quantity of time with her that is uninterrupted.  She wants to be number one in your life, and it is important that you give her your undivided attention doing activities other than homework or housework.  Best of luck, and be sure to check-in with your daughter's school counselor. 

susanc's picture
susanc

After reading your post, I have to ask where was your daughter this summer? Since it seems the behavior began when she got home, did something happen when she was away? Your daughter seems to have gone through a major change in a few months time.I would get a counselor,and get the school behind you.As far as the five week grounding, it probably wont work.At seven she's not comprehending what that means.Instead, I would deal with the problems as they arise.You need to have a policy with the school to let you know of any problems  that day.This way when she comes home with a note,She stays in, no tv,eary to bed or whatever you decide.This is much easier for a seven year old to understand.As far as spending time with her, I'm old school on this one.At seven I would be spending as much time as possible with her! Easier said than done, I agree, but it can be done.One last thing, you did mention a terrible relationship, how much of this did your daughter see?Again you may need to seek professional help with this one. good luck

mystifier's picture
mystifier

Thank you so much. Well things have done a complete turn around for us. I like said she is a great kid. And it still stands. In the last few days things have gotten a 100% better. She has done her work and listened, she is herself again. I met with her teacher today and she did everything good. What I think was happening was she was testing the waters to see how much I will let her get away with. Now everything is great. I know it's only been a few days but I know my daughter, I know that she wasn't acting like herself. And now I have my "Angel" back. Or do you think I'm blinded by love? Thanks for your help.

latha vidyaranya's picture
latha vidyaranya

hi, nice to hear your daughter becoming an angel again.

the fact that she was being rude to other kids shows that some one was rude to her and she was letting it all out on somebody at school. perhaps after you wrote down your querie last time, things became much clearer to yourself and you must have had an understanding of where things were going wrong and may be you tried to set things right. and the support you got from others on this board must have relieved you of that anxiety and you must have become more supportive to your daughetr. all this has made her relax too and become an angel once again!

good luck. keep giving her messages that you love her very much through your words and your actions. she will feel fine.

Bel's picture
Bel

My advice is to get her in counselling to open up about her feelings. She sounds like a great kid but a stressed child is very unhealthy. Find out whats wrong and don't give up until you do. Goodluck i do understand what your going through!