Host Marti's picture
Host Marti

Pros and Cons of being a single parent

Hey All

 

I was just wondering what you all think is the best thing about being a single parent and what is the hardest thing about being a single parent.

 

Marti



choctaw_dreamer's picture
choctaw_dreamer

Pro is knowing that you did it on your own and can take credit for all the success your child has

Con - not having a male father figure for my son.  I know he misses that father-son connection

Pbjone's picture
Pbjone

Pro:  I am able to instill values without interference.  For example, we don't watch TV in my house during the week and no one else is there to tell me otherwise.

I've had to creatively find ways ( and have!!) to build a family and community.  Reaching out and figuring it out has been most enlightening.

I've discovered that lots of families are imperfect so I no longer use the traditional family as a measuring stick for my life and family.   

 

colleen's picture
colleen

Hi,

I just found this site beacuse I am a Mum on my own with a
16 and 14 yr old daughter looking for support  and someone to talk
to.

The best part is being free of a controlling husband who
drank too much and was sooo miserable to be around!!!! The girls and I
have enjoyed a peace in our own cute little place which is way more
imporatnt than being trapped in a bad place even though it was very
financially secure..it is not worth it!!!

 The hardest part of being on my own is the huge
responsibility  to bring up these 2 girls and the worries that I
have to deal with because there is no one who understands or who can
share the stresses of just plain everyday living!!! If you want to even
get away for a week in the smmer or share driving to activities it is
all up to you...no one to help!!!!!

The answer I suppose is to reach out to other parents and help each
other but when you work all day and cook and keep the house in order
there is not too much energy left!!!!!

Colleen

lukatola's picture
lukatola

I completely agree with the pro you cited.  I place restrictions on TV time and video gaming. I am very glad there is no one around to disagree with what I believe to be best. Also, the way I discipline my kids is up to me. Things that I believe to be morally wrong and I want to teach them right, my ex would have laughed at.

The big con for me is the fact that there is no one there to share their achievements with who supposedly loves them and cares for them as much as I do. Grandparents are great but it just isn't the same. Or on the flip side when they do something wrong, someone to say, "you know, it's not so bad". I find that the hardest thing. Because of this, I find I am harder on my kids because I have no one to create a balance with.

lukatola's picture
lukatola

Colleen, I hear you.  It has been 4 years for me raising a 12 year old and an almost 10 year old, both boys. I have been especially "down in the dumps" of late.  I have very little if no support from my immediate family. I'm not particularly good at asking for help and have been particularly lonely over the last little while.  My ex-husband is an alcoholic but has many, many other issues as well. My worries among many others are that my kids will inherit the gene for alcoholism or addiction. That keeps me awake many nights.  Anyway, you certainly are not alone!

vickytory2's picture
vickytory2

Hi Marti ~  (new user here)

I have to say the best thing of being a single parent (my daughter is 14) is that you get to spend quality time on a one-on-one basis which allows your child to really know you as a person, and not just a parent.  You can pass on your values with greater clarity and definition.

The hardest part would have to be dealing with the child's hurts and disappointments that occur due to lack of unity between his/her mother and father.  It takes awareness, love and compassion to counsel your child when they don't understand the actions or words of the non-custodial parent.  It's worth the effort though!

miriamzipporah's picture
miriamzipporah

Hello Everyone,

The pro's of single parenting for me are 1) I am the primary decision maker, 2) I instill values in them that will not be altered by anyone, 3) I never miss anything in their lives (these are just a few).

The con's will be not having their biological father involved, having to beat the clock in order to complete my daily tasks alone.

Debs's picture
Debs

Hi all

Iam a single mum of a nine year old girl and have been since i was less than 3mnths pregnant.I think that the pros are when you know that you are the one who instill them with their values and the rewards back are amazing.  The cons are that there is no one their to say at the end of the day sit down and i will make the coffee and have a cuddle on the sofa 

 

Sharmain's picture
Sharmain

Hi welcome aboard. I am one of the many single parent. It can be very challenging at time but guess what when your chlid or children succeed you can always feel proud that you did it on your own.

BobMeadows's picture
BobMeadows

Boy, this is a sticky one. I was going to put in my two cents, but, in my experience, it is very difficult to tell people something they think they already know, so I will only put in a half-penny.

This question is like asking someone with one arm, what is the best and worst thing about that? If you ask the one armed person if they are fine, "yes" is the probable response, but, the real question is "If you had a choice, would you rather have two?" Hmmmm!

I am not suggesting single parents run out and get a mate just to have one, what I do suggest is many people justify their decisions and their situation by interpreting them in way that causes the least amount of anxiety and reduces quilt. But, the real issue is the kids, not what is good or bad about being a single parent. Most of the time the answer is less important than the question.  The question here should be, "what are the pros and cons for the children in a single parent home?"

DaMoKi Bob