No Life After Divorce
I've been divorced for almost 3 years. I am the custodial parent of a 15 year old girl. The other daughter is grown and gone.
My marriage consisted of taking care of the children, taking care of the house, taking care of him (he was gone a lot in the military). Our friends were his friends. We saw his family - hardly ever saw mine. When I got around my brother I was told I talk too much! I was also emotionally abused - told I wasn't worth anything and I could leave anytime I wanted.
Thank goodness I had the courage to leave after 19 years and start over.
I am finding that although I live in another state now I am still being controlled by my ex. He told my daughter's old counselor he was stalking me (and the counselor made no comment about that)! He wants to know what I do with the child support (which he has been spotty at best in paying). I am expected to have no life - no friends, no boyfriend, no nothing - if I do than I am being a bad mother for not spending every waking moment I have either at work or with the 15 year old.
I am tired of having no relationships with normal adults. Of course I see adults at work - but that's work. I am tired of sitting around every evening in front of the TV, watching my 15 year old get older, knowing that one day she will be gone and I'll be an old lady and all alone. By that time I'll probably be so emotionally/socially stunted by lack of meaningful conversation that I'll be about as interesting as a tree.
I had one girlfriend for a short time after the divorce, but if I left my then 13 year old at home while I went to see her, I got accused of all kinds of nasty things.
Anyone else been through this?
It seems like I've never been good enough, and I can't be good enough no matter how hard I try. I make a middle income class living for my daughter - more than my mom did for her kids after her divorce when I was seven.
Isn't putting a roof over the kids head, making sure they got food, medical, dental, and spending 7 nights a week and all weekend with the kids enough? What am I supposed to become - a professional child psychologist?
And, yes, I pay for my daughter to fly to see her dad several times a year at my own expense so as not to alienate her from her father. He knows my cell and home number and can call anytime he likes.