kay from oklahoma's picture
kay from oklahoma

newly divorced daughter

     I am hoping somone here can give me a little positive hope for the future. My 37 yo daughter with 4 sons from 3-17 has filed for divorce and just recently moved to a 3 bedroom apartment. I do not know how long she will keep it. She is junior level college-accounting.

I realize everyone kind of goes through a wild periods and  I saw this myself with my own sister and her 2 daughters suffered for it. My counselor told me it was also normal to seek out old boyfriends which she has done. They are doing joint custody and I still love my son in law.

He basically saw his mother die in fromt of him at a casino several years ago and started drinking. There have been more problems and she decided she could do it no more. She did practically everything around the house and had gotten bery depressed and anxiety ridden.

I have cried a bucket of tears, especially for the 4 boys, my grandsons. We try and gently give advice and she goes off because everyone she knows is giving her advice and I realiz how crazy it must make you feel

Her dad did some car work on her car and tol dher she needed to get a spare tire!! Well last week at 8:30 in the morning her tire was flat and she called her dad and he was not happy, because she had not gotten her spare tire. Money was not the issue, she had the money as they sold their house and she got 1/2 the equity. her brother ended up helping her.

While I mourn for her, her behavior is not helping me, I cry at the drop of a hat. Just last night her boys were messing around in the LR and broke a lamp. I say they are angry and she ended up putting them to bed early.

when I found this out, I cried like a baby. I am on antidepressants and have a form of rheumatiod arthritis of the back,ankylosing spondylitis and fibromyalgis, so all this is to much. I have not heard from her since last week and am getting ready to call her. I found out about the lamp from my older daughter.

So the whole extended family mourns a divorce. How long till she comes around? She doesn't seem to want to have much to do with any of us, and I know that is probably normal. I know she is overwhelmed but wants noone to know it. I am limitied as to how much I can help with the children, and the father is wonderful with the boys. He is holding up the divorce because he does not want it!!!

If this sounds like your parents when you divorced, please let me know and what I can do for my daughter that won't look to her like interferring????

Thank you in advance



tamz's picture
tamz

When all is said and done, it is your daughters life, not yours. The only thing you can do is be there when she calls. Stop giving her advice unless she asks for it. I am divorced for 12 years now and in the first few years, I was a mess. My little boys did suffer for it, but at least your grandsons have their father. Don't interfear with "mourning" the divorce.. She is your daughter so support her. You don't have to agree with her to support her and love her. Your focus should be less on her and more on the boys. Talk with her husband and support him in making life as good as possible for the boys. It sounds like you are sick and can't physically take them too much, but you can call them to see how their day was. Keep your conversations positive, and only listen to their concerns about the divorce, mom dating, not seeing dad as much, living in a small apartment... You should try to help them focus on positive things in their life. GOOD LUCK GRANDMA