Pregnancy
Discussion Title: Looking for Wisdom - Boy (17) consequences
Created by: tamz
Created on: Mon, 03/24/2008 - 1:14pm.
Created by: tamz
Created on: Mon, 03/24/2008 - 1:14pm.
My son is 17. I posted a discussion on wheather to leave him home on Easter because he is so disruptive. I did leave him home , but got him a basket and called to tell him I love him and would love it if he could respect the other family members and me.
I am asking for advice now on consequences for his behavior.
I would like some suggestions on consequenses and restitution (our most recent therapist told me he should make restitution every time he does wrong) ... He does not have anything I can take from him. He had a game system, but he sold it for pot. All he has is clothes,shelter and food. His violations are things like:
- Stealing from his brothers bank (did that today)
- punching hole in wall
- Breaking into my bedroom
- laziness
- eats everyones share of food items
- drastically messy
- smoking cigarettes and pot
- drinking alcohol
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Replied: 3/26/2008 12:33pm.
I guess nobody would know what to do with a boy like this one. I decided to print him an invoice for the stolen money, hole in the wall, the worthless door lock and the bent knives. The total came to $50.00 (considerably less than the acutal damage.) I was trying to force him to make restitution. He left the house and has not been back. He will return, like he always does, to tell me I was "trippin" and that's why he left with no permission.
I'm still trying!!!
Replied: 3/26/2008 2:34pm.
At 17 what can really be done? You try and make him accountable, but he leaves. Punishments you have tried have obviously not worked. Your son is self centered and the only one who matters to him, is him. Like the alcoholic who will not change, your son is on a path of self destruction. As with most people like him they need to hit rock bottom in order to begin to want to change. Since he has no problem stealing from his own family I would venture to say he would have no problem stealing from anyone. He’s a thief.
The home he lives in, the home you have worked to provide, he uses as a punching bag? This is done as a way of expressing his anger, it is also done as a way to get what he wants. It’s called a tantrum. Even in your “punishment” you do not let him know the actual cost of the damages he has created. This young man, because he is no longer a child, has been babied for too long, and this is the result of it. Long ago I would have had him declared as “Unruly” with the juvenile courts. He would have gone by the rules, or gone and sat in a cell. Your son acts the way he does because he has been allowed to do so.
Replied: 3/26/2008 4:01pm.
Thnx SnglDad - I'm sure you are right
I am a pretty gentle person and I have still had success with many young people, but this one needs less pardon and more punishment; It's not my strength.
I have given him too much pardon because I felt guilt for the things he did not have such as a father. I already knew all this, I wanted an idea of what to do now.
Thank you again for your suggestion on declaring him "unruly" it's not an option in my state. I also appreciate your insight on the invoice vs the actual damage. My thinking was if I took all his money he would not see a reason to keep his job.
I'm still kinda lost with things but it's always nice when someone offers another perspective.
Replied: 3/29/2008 3:14pm.
hi tell him he needs to cach up with it
Replied: 9/5/2008 12:47am.
Pot, eh ? That's a big sign right there. I saw several boys like this as a Juvenile Corrections Officer. I hate to say it, but at 17, you're just going to have to let HIM AND ONLY HIM, learn the hard way. It may take a trip to jail, or, regretfully, the emergency room, to wake him up. He's doing all the wrong things that seem so right at the time, but those things will eventually force him to face reality. We all go through our own version of "face the music".