ohiogirl89's picture

Help w/ Parenting Advice

Ok, a little back ground.....I got pregnant when I was 15 and had my son at 16, I'm now 20. I lived with my parents until my son was 3. I have been moved out for almost a year now. I moved out due to the fact that I don't get along with my mother.

The problem I'm having is that my son is like wanting to spend every moment at my moms house. It's like upsetting me so bad. The thing about it is the whole time we lived with my mom I took care of him, I was homeschooled as soon as I got pregnant so I was with him all day except for some evenings when I had to work.

I've tried enrolling him in two sports with like parents involved. Doing crafts, going to jumping gyms, going swimming, to the park, playing games, just all kinds of things that would be fun it doesn't help because right when were done he wants to go right back over there.

I don't know what to do anymore if I don't let him go he crys and crys and when he finally gets to my moms he'll tell her about how I didn't let him come over and every little thing that goes on.

I don't mean to sound like a bad mom but sometimes I just feel like I should give him to her he never wants to be here. I feel like he thinks of her more as a mother then me. Please give advice.

2xstepmom's picture

Your son may be wanting to be at your mother's because that was where he spent his first 3 years and he misses the familiarity there. Another reason may be that he may look at you more like a sibling. Your mother was still mothering you when you and your son lived with her which made you seem more like an equal to your son. Is it possible for you to get some therapy for you and your son? Something else that could help would be for you to take a parenting class.

Set up times for your son to be able to spend time with your mother. Then tell him when he is scheduled for a visit. Each time you give in and take him there at an unscheduled time, just reinforces him crying to get his own way. This is a bad habit that needs to be changed in order for you and your son to learn to be a family.

aunt tessie's picture
aunt tessie

I agree with 2xstepmom. You and your son lived with your mom so he probably developed a strong bond with her and that probably feels like his "home" to him. I agree that you should have routine visits with his grandmother set up. You and your mom should discuss what days would work best for the both of you...even if it is one day a week and don't give in to his tantrums..maybe if he has the security of knowing when he is going to see grandmom the tantrums will lessen. You say he tells grandma everything...I hope she reinforces that you are his mother and you know best and that he needs to obey you and your rules. He is probably just missing her since it sounds like he bonded with the both of you for the first three years of his life...it is hard for kids to adjust to changes in their environment when one of their caretakers isn't involved like they were. I wish you luck...give it time. Can I ask why you don't get along with your mother?