caseyreiners86's picture
caseyreiners86

Help! My son and boyfriend don't like each other

I need some advice on how to make my son and my boyfriends relationship better. I have become very stressed out and depressed that my son and boyfriend basically don't even have a relationship. I have been a single mom for a little under a year. My husband (the father of my son) was killed in Afghanistan earlier this year. I have since started dating a guy who is 22 and I am 24. He has no children but has dated other girls who have children and he says that he liked their children. We have been together for 6 months now and we are living together and in a serious reltionship. My son is 3 and has some (not bad though) behavioural issues stemming from the loss of his father. He shows signs of having abandonment issues from loosing his dad. My boyfriend either ignores him or disciplines him. He doesn't talk to him or play with him otherwise. My boyfriend says he doesn't like my son and is annoyed by him because of his behaviour.He says if he acted better he'd like him. Everyone else (daycare staff, the babysitter, family and friends) say he's a well behaved kid. My boyfriend is the only person who says he's a bad and whiny kid. But he doesn't realize how hard it is on my son not having a father period. And the only symbolence of a father he has doesn't even like him. I have never even seen my boyfriend give my son a hug...and it really bothers me. My son won't give me a clear answer as to why he doesnt like my boyfriend...he just doesn't like him. I really dont want to break up w/ my boyfriend but I dont want my son being unhappy either. What can I do?



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Would any of the grandparents be willing to take over rearing your son?

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Your b/f has major issues that need to be addressed before you can consider this relationship to be "serious". All children deserve unconditional love. You and your son deserve better than this. How can you stay in any kind of a relationship with someone who "does not like" your son?

You ask, "What can I do?" You can get out of this relationship and do right by your son, your child should be more important to you than any boyfriend.

twinkie23's picture
twinkie23

I have been dating a guy with 3 kids, he has them every other week, 5,7,9 i love them. they are wild and whine and cry and scream fight and bite at times, but they are also kind caring and loveable, your baby is three your boyfriend needs to be an adult and attempt to care for your son if he wants to be a part of your life. If not you need to be a mother and get rid of the "man" that cant love your baby. Or perhaps get counseling for your own abandonment issues because your attatching yourself to a man and situation that doesnt sound to healthy for your son as well as yourself

junieg's picture
junieg

Your son is the most important person in your life and needs your love and support to get through the trauma of losing his Daddy. If your boyfriend really cared for either of you he would or should be making a big effort to help both of you. I hate to say it but you need to ditch him and make a good life for you and your son at the moment. If your boyfriend really cares he will wait at the sidelines and be there for you eventually when the time is right. Please do this for your small son. He deserves it.

hannah22's picture
hannah22

I agree with junieg you sonis most important tell you bf how your son means to you!

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Your son needs understanding and attention not to be disciplined for expressing himself the only way a 3 year old knows how. This new man of yours does not understand what it is to love a child unconditionally. Did you think he was going to tell you he does not like children when he knows you have a son? This guy is not bothered by your sons’ actions; he’s bothered by your son’s existence. With your son in his way, boyfriend does not get the attention he wants, when he wants it. What man looks at a helpless 3 year old that has suffered the loss of a parent and disciplines him for wanting his mothers’ attention? If you decide to stay with this guy you can expect there to always be tension between him and your son, and you can expect to watch as your son feels like an outsider in his own home. The question of “What can I do?” depends on how much you’re willing to sacrifice your son’s needs for your boyfriend.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Mayamay, I'm usually against handing over kids to grandparents when there is a capable, and fit parent able to raise the child. In this instance, if mom decides to stay with the BF, I think it is what would be best for this child.

mhg1gyg's picture
mhg1gyg

I agree with SnglDad and some of the others that have stated that your some is the most important. He is only 3 and yet shouldn't be punished for letting you know how he feels. If a child can not tell how he feels then how does a mother or parent know when he is sick or needs help. My daughter didn't like the guy I was dating either and I had a hard time trying to convince her, but she sensed something I didn't. She felt he was cheating on me and she was right. If your boyfriend is ever gonna be part of your life in a serious way, then he should accept your son and try to get close to him. Your boyfriend should try spending some time with him and maybe doing some boy things with him, play ball or something that your son likes. Maybe he could show some interest in what he does do. IF your boyfriend is not willing to do any of that, I think you should get rid of him because he shouldn't be more important than your son.

randynikolic's picture
randynikolic

Hi,

Well first you should try to solve the issues related with your boyfriend and son if you are not able to solve then leave your boyfriend your son is most important than anybody else. You can find many different guys to date or in relationship but your son is going to be always your son.

Thanks

jimrich's picture
jimrich

caseyreiners86
re: My boyfriend either ignores him or disciplines him. He doesn't talk to him or play with him otherwise. My boyfriend says he doesn't like my son and is annoyed by him because of his behaviour. He says if he acted better he'd like him. My boyfriend is the only person who says he's a bad and whiny kid.

>> I can't imagine why on earth you are allowing a guy like this anywhere near your precious child. Are you willing to sacrifice the mental health of your child just to have a companion? Get rid of any guy who will not accept your son and who will eventually damage your son's mind!
good luck