Ex using derogatory lanuage in front of our child
My ex has 7 children. 3 of them live with him and his girlfriend in a 2 bedroom apartment. I allow my daughter to visit her father on a limited basis. She never really met him till she was about 2 1/2 and it took her awhile before she'd go with him alone. Even now she doesn't usually stay overnight and if she does it's only one night and not the whole weekend. I have MANY issues with him (substance abuse, monitoring her health condition, etc) and that's why there is limited contact. I really like the girlfriend and feel she does her best to keep the environment as stable as possible. I want my daughter to have a relationship with him. My latest thing is the language he uses in front of her. She tells me often that he cusses a lot and that he sits on the couch the whole time she's there and doesn't interact with her. I tell him till I'm blue in the face to play with her and talk with her and he doesn't listen. Her brothers and sister are there so she has a good time (normally) even if her father doesn't interact with her the way he should. He doesn't put her to bed on time and she has a medical condition that worsens with sleep deprivation. He just doesn't take it seriously. The cussing isn't a HUGE deal. I just tell her it's wrong and she understands. My problem now is the derogatory terms he uses when referring to a group of people. The "F" or "Q" word for gays is the one I have the biggest problem with but I don't like any derogatory terms about any kind of people. I don't talk that way in front of her. I told him I had a problem with it and he just laughed at how serious I was and started saying other things and laughing. I got a little louder and asked him not to talk that way in front of our daughter. He said it was his house and he'll talk however he wants to. I said not in front of my child you won't. He said well you can just leave. So I said okay fine, and I'm taking her with me. So we left. I feel like I've been pretty accomodating considering the crap I have to deal with from him. I wish he would've just said, "you are right, I shouldn't talk that way in front of her and I'll try to watch my mouth." or something along those lines. Sometimes I feel like not letting her go anymore period, but he's her father and I want her to know him even if he's not the greatest person in the world. I worry when things like this happen because then he threatens taking me to court for visitation. I don't want to keep him from seeing her, but he doesn't always provide the best environment. I just feel the situations as they arise as to whether I send her or not and for how long. Any advice as to how I should go about things going forward would be helpful.