budru21's picture

Daughter heard my boyfriend and I "in action"

Hi there. I'm absolutely torn on what to do from here. My boyfriend, whom my 3 daughters all really like, stays with us 5-6 nights a week. We have been discussing him moving in with us. My girls, ages 3, 8,& 10 were all for it. Well, last night my 10 year old was up late (without us knowing) and she heard us having sex. She called her dad in the middle of the night,asking him to come get her, and told her sister about it the next morning, trying to encourage her to be mad at me. I got a call at work the next morning from her saying she hates me, thinks I'm disgusting, and doesn't want my boyfriend moving in anymore. I told to her that I was very sorry she heard that, and wasn't aware that she could hear or was awake. I explained that sex is appropriate for adults and is a way they show each other that they love one another. We had the birds and bees talk later when I got home from work. Now she is being very "snotty" towards me and doesn't want to see my boyfriend. He says he is ok with everything and plans on talking to her about it after rebuilding a rapport with her. He says he isn't going to let this incident cause problems between us, but wants to give her space. There is obviously tension and I don't know what to do. I took the older two girls to dinner and talked about things and both said they loved my boyfriend, but want more time with me. I feel like they are being difficult and trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty for having a boyfriend. I've been single for almost four years, other than dates on occasion. My oldest daughter is having the most behavior issues. Do you think this is a normal jealousy issue over my attention being divided between them, my boyfriend, and life in general, or do you think this is all strictly about her being uncomfortable about hearing us in action? Do I slow down and take a step back, or press on and help them to deal with the changes, whether they like them or not?

suziparks's picture
Yes and alot to do with them feeling like they are going to lose you its quite good that you are close you should be able to assure them they are gaining a new friend and not losing a mother , God bless xx
Larryluxzo's picture
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kezm's picture
My boyfrend moved in with my daughter and i when she was 6. She felt the same, she wanted it to go back to just me and her (as that is all she ever knew) but she loved my boyfriend. I made special nights where we went out for dinner just us, or had a girly night where we did each other nails and stuff... If you feel it is right then let him move in but just make special times where its you and the girls and maybe your boyfriend can find something he can do with them to bond with them. Hope this helps, good luck