MANDYM's picture

Child throws tantrums bc she misses Mommy while at Daddy's house.

We have a difficult situation that we are not sure how to fix. My boyfriend's daughter is almost 5 and her mommy says negative things about her dad to the little girl. She repeats things like "daddy's a loser" and "daddy doesn't love me" to her daddy. To make matters worse, she is spoiled rotten while with her mommy, so her behavior can be out of control and difficult to change over one weekend. Her parents have decided to allow the daughter to stay with her dad for a longer amt of time while her mom works on her personal life, but the child is throwing horrible tantrums bc she misses her mom. We don't want her to feel like those feelings are invalid, but the fits go on for HOURS and we're not sure how to help her. She was at her dad's for 1 wk, then with her mom for the wkend and talks to her mom every day, but when she does, she tells her mom that she hates being at daddy's house and her mom says, "I would come get you, but Daddy won't let me", making him the bad guy again. We want to help her adjust and to know that her daddy loves her and wants what is best, but it's so hard! PLEASE, HELP! Any resources would be good too...

SnglDad's picture

Sounds like the mothers love for her child is outweighed by her anger towards the father. Why would any parent undermine their child feelings of security and stability? This situation needs to be addressed with the mother. But, it needs to be addressed in such a way that there is a record of the exchange that takes place, email would be best. In many states the mothers actions would be considered parental alienation, and could be used as a way to modify the parenting plan currently in place.
If the mother is angry enough that she is willing to cause such anxiety in her child, I doubt that this can be remedied outside of the court. A request could be made prior to any court action to attend joint counseling sessions. This is a way to shed some light on what is being done, and to hopefully assist her in making decisions with her daughters best interest in mind,rather than her own selfish need to lash out at the father through the daughter. If she rejects the idea of counseling, dad needs to do what is best for him and his daughter.
The current situation with the mother that causes her to place the child with the father, depending on what it is, may also be used as a way to show that not only is the mother acting in a manner that causes her child great emotional distress, but she also lacks the ability to deal with being a parent full time when her personal life has issues. Also, the mother placing the child with the father outside of the current court order could set a precedent that could be used by the father to ask the court for more time with his daughter. Keep track of all times the daughter is with dad outside of the current order. The obvious wedge driven between father and child through the mothers appalling actions should be enough for dad to ask the court for extended time periods with his daughter as a way to repair the bonds that have been broken.
Understand that this is not legal advice, I am not an attorney. My advice is merely for strategy and as a way to give dad some direction as to which way to go. I seriously doubt that the mother will change absent a court order. Good luck.

LuvnMyBabys's picture

So just recently I broke up with my childrens father. He hasnt been around for almost two weeks, and my son who is 27 months is taking it very hard. He wakes up in the morning asking for his daddy, asking where his daddy is bcuz hes not there in the morning when my son wakes up. So just recently one lady at his daycare had brought it to my attention that for the past few days my son has been acting agressive with the other children in his class. So i told her that his dad hasnt been around and maybe hes acting out bcuz he misses him. I also told her that he doesnt act like that at home, he doesnt hit or throw things, nothing. But I will talk to him and let him know that thats not ok, that he needs to love and be nice. And being as little as he is he understands what im saying. But he is still little and he doesnt understand whats happenening with his mommy and daddy. So i need some help. What do i do?

mayamay's picture

Unless the dad is violent or uses drugs, suck it up and do whatever is necessary to include dad in the boy's life.