naomi8's picture
naomi8

Being fair over the holidays

When we were married my husband, children and I always spent Christmas Eve with my parents. We'd go to his parents Christmas Day and arrive at about noon. We've been divorced 3 years and we continued this tradition. Now he wants the kids to wake up at his house Christmas morning. I think that would be fair every other year but not every year. I also think that whoever doesn't have them Christmas should have them Thanksgiving. He just gave me a calendar that shows him having them Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas. I would get them back the 28th of December, he would have them the rest of Christmas vacation. His family alternates Thanksgiving and Christmas. They spend one with his parents and the other with their in-laws. This year is Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with in-laws. I want to be fair and I have been very accomidating but I don't want to let him run all over me either. Please give me some thoughts about what you think is fair and how you divide the holidays.



ciela12's picture
ciela12

I'm not sure if this would work for you, but what my ex and I do is split Christmas day and Thanksgiving in half (morning at mom's or mom's family,  afternoon at dad's/dad's family). We alternate Christmas eve every other year. All of our immediate family is in the same town with us, however, and they've learned that they have to accomodate our schedule if they wish to see the grandchild on the holidays. In the past it  has proven to be too hard to try to please everybody, so my ex and I work out the best schedule possible for our daughter/us and then tell the grandparents what we are doing.  When he wants to take our daughter out of town to see extended relatives, he has to take her on days near, but not on, the holidays. For her birthday parties we suck up our differences and throw her party together, and we alternate party duties each year like cake baking, decorating, etc. Working out special times like holidays is one of the many difficult and sometimes heartbreaking aspects of sharing a child/ren between two homes, for everyone involved.
Good luck to you and your family in ironing out the holiday schedule this year. Is it possible for the grandparents on both sides to travel to the town you, ex, and the kids live?

Trisscity's picture
Trisscity

I live near my ex and we share the day. Thanksgiving with him doesn't seem to be as important. This year for example his girlfriend had to work till 3pm that day so they weren't doing it till about 5-6pm and that's exactly when I was doing it with my family. So he didn't get her on Thanksgiving and he understood. I offered him the early part of the day but he had worked till 3:30 that morning and said not to worry about it. For Christmas we do the same thing every year. She spends x-mas eve with me and wakes up at home. I usually take her to her father around noon and he spends time with her and takes her to visit his family. Then I get her back around 5pm and we go to my family's house around 6pm. She's 7 and doesn't have a "set" schedule as to when she spends time with him. She's very attached to me and sometimes doesn't even want to stay the night when she goes over or if she does she usually only stays one night and she's ready to come home. He's been very cool with this because he wants her to be comfortable. Over time she has started asking to go over and sometimes wants to stay more than one night. With holidays I try to be accomodating and let him see her half the day on the actual holiday.