kelli2582's picture
kelli2582

Sisters too far apart in age?

 My younger sister and I weren't close growing up. My parents divorced  when i was in my teens and my mother forced me to watch my sister so she always came a long with me and my friends to Disnleyland, parks, coffee shops etc. As we got older we grew really close and once she hit her mid teens and me my early twenties all of a sudden my mother wouldn't let us do things anymore telling us I am too much older and we should have different friends. I figured she just meant my sister should have some friends her own age so I did my own thing, moved out and such and she did hers. She is 20 now but still lives at home and is going to college while I am 26 on my own. My sister has really gotten into her party friends lately and I had a talk with her the other night about how she can't make plans with me and not show or blow me off and my mom caught wind of the talk. she calls and freaks out on me. Tells me I shouldn't be hanging out with her anyway because of the age gap being such a big deal and she wont let my sister go out with me. Not dinner or movies or anything. I feel like I am going crazy and my sister doesn't get it either. Are we just too far in age to be doing things together or is my mom just kind of crazy? Any advice on what I should do would be great. I have talked ot her and she doesn't want to hear it no matter how sincere i am. Thanks!



junieg's picture
junieg

6 years apart is nothing, especially now you are both in your twenties. You are both adults now so if you want to hang out together, why not. It seems your Mum was happy enough for you to take charge of her when she was younger. I have two sisters, both older than me. One is 5 years older and the other 4 years older. We didn't think anything of those few years difference. I had a 16 year gap between my oldest three children and my youngest, and he enjoys spending time with his older siblings now he is 18. And another thing - my OH is 11 years younger than me. That's an even bigger gap, but we have been together for nearly 14 years and are still very much in love.
Age is just a number and should make no difference to your friendships. It's the person who counts, not how old they are.
Hope you enjoy spending time with your sister.

tamz's picture
tamz

My best friend is 9 years younger than me. We met in college when she was 18 and I was 27. I love her so much, we are like sisters. With almost a decade between us, people don't always understand why our relationship works so well. We are also from different ethnic and social backgrounds. Who knows WHY we came together, but we both certainly gain from it. She is a VERY social person and has many many friends, but at the end of the day, she knows who truely loves her is me; I would do anything for her. Do not let your mother dictate the relationship between you and your sister. Most likely, you want to respect your mother, but don't lose this time with your sister just to please your mom. Make plans with your sister as often as you can. There is no need to argue with your mother for permission . If she notices you are spending a lot of time with your sister, THEN explain to your mother that you will not be making apologies for this and that you will continue to spend time with your sister. It sounds like you can't bring your mother to understand, so don't try, it will only cause friction.

kelli2582's picture
kelli2582

Thanks, I was actually starting to doubt myself and how I should go about my relationship with my sister. Apprieiciate it :)

tinkywinky's picture
tinkywinky

I really can't see this as a problem. There is an argument for both, siblings being too close or not too close. Too many things will influence this realtionship.

I have 3 brothers and there is 15 years difference between the first and the last child from the same parents. No problem. 56, 41,38 and 29...(last one is from different marriage, but all lived together at some point).

Of course if the oldest child has bad habits and is influencing the younger this is up to a parent to sort out. But age difference in itself is nothing important.

leca1959's picture
leca1959

First of all, I find it rather odd that your mom could validate "forcing" you to take your sister when you were younger with you and your friends everywhere you went. It would seem to me that the age difference of 6 years would be much more prominent and more of an inconvenience to you and your friends at that age as opposed to in your 20's.
I realize that it was definitely more convenient for your mom to have you take care of your sister and keep her with you back then, but why would she be opposed to your spending time with your sister now, as adults?
I can't help but be curious....
My sister is 6 years older than I am. We weren't close growing up per se, I was a kid and a pain in the kiester to her, I'm sure! But when I hit about 17, we formed a really neat friendship that has lasted over 40 years now and is still going strong.
I suppose if I were you, I'd continue being my sister's friend, especially since you seem to also have her ear regarding what behaviors are best for her. It's a shame it would seem that you have to sneak around to see your sister, as long as she's living at home, but I wouldn't want to lose the relationship I have with MY sister. It sounds like your relationship with your sister is much more stable that that of your mom and either one of you.
I hate to say that it might be best to keep your visits with your sister from your mom...but holy mackeral... it is just so odd that your mom feels as she does.
But I also know what it's like to try to talk to someone who absolutely will NOT listen. You have no chance of getting through..and that's tough too....
I feel for you all, but my advice would be to take steps to NOT lose what you have with your sister.... I'd even suggest counceling, if I thought for a moment your mom would go... but would she?
Good luck to you both!

JobMatchNow's picture
JobMatchNow

Age is nothing but a number if thats your sister naturally you are going to love her and take care of her the sisterly bond will come don't worry.

CareerCreature's picture
CareerCreature

Sounds like a similiar sitution my friend had and they turned out perfectly fine.

jimrich's picture
jimrich

good post, Tamz