Problems with Brother in-law
I'm not exactly married but I've been in a serious relationship with a guy whom I'm absolutely in love with, but there is just one problem.... His stubborn older brother. I can go on forever about the problems that have occured over the past two years, but I don't think this message board will allow that much typing! There is NO doubt in my mind that Jon is the guy for me, he is sincere, loyal and very open hearted. We just somehow find a way to bicker about the hostile relationship that his brother and I have with each other. I just want my boyfriend's support that I'm not the one who is in the wrong. I'm not asking him to choose sides but just to assure me that I'm not the one that problems arise because of. His brother and I have never really gotten along, but then again, his brother really has no friends, and I think he shows his jealously towards me in the most bitter of ways. He tries to one up me all the time, if i say something positive, he has to throw in a negetive (even if he's not in the discussion). I'm just not used to having someone around that is as arrogant and close minded as his older brother is. His older brother, Steve, is 29, never graduated highschool, has been looking for a house but can't afford it so he remains to live in a small apartment which he is not happy with, and does factory work for a living. I am not downgrading him for any of it, but I think that he is jealous that I've got my life in order (full time college student, part time job, good grades, etc etc,) Most of all, I think that he is jealous of the time that I spend with his younger brother (Jon). (Steve only has two friends, of which are his two brothers). And No i'm not just saying this because I don't like him, but because the entire time I've been around, I've never seen him with anyone except his girlfriend, or heard of him speak about friends. Even Jon tells me that he has trouble making friends. I just don't know what to do, I don't feel welcome to family gatherings because his entire family know only his side of the story but not mine.
One situation that stands out is i had a friend coming home from the army so I planned a get together with some of my friends and Jon and I to go out drinking at the bar for my friend. Steve asked Jon what our plans were and Jon told him, knowing that our relationship is not strong, thinking Steve would not be interested. But Steve insisted on coming along. Jon then asked me when I came into the room (and steve was not to be seen, in the other room) if i wanted steve and his girlfriend to come. Of course i was shocked at this and said "no, why would i want him to come? he's much older and these are plans i made for my friend?" Like i just don't get why he would want to hang around 18-20 year olds all night????? Let alone, at a tiny bar. Steve overheard me, because i did not know he was in the next room and got snotty with me and said "why? does it matter if we come?" to this i replied that he wouldn't have fun because it was just a bunch of young kids.. and so Jon and I immediately left his moms house to avoid further conflict. That night, when Jon and I show up at the bar, sure enough, Steve is there. Why? Was it to [filtered word] me off? I'm not sure. I just kind of shrugged it off and had a good time with my friends. A couple hours later, Steve approached Jon and I and said goodbye to Jon indicating he was leaving and then looked at me, and pinched my arm and said "later muscles" So this is where the problems all got serious, I looked at him when he got ahold of me, and gave him the indication that he was hurting me and that i didn't like it, so what does he do? Pinches harder.. and longer. My arm ended up becoming bruised. I just don't get why he has to be so cruel. I didn't do anything to deserve this, and my boyfriend refuses to let me talk to Steve about it because he fears that I'll blow up on him. I just want to know his intentions and why he is the way he is. I think I deserve a reason, don't I?
Another thing that is very disrespectful and annoying is that Steve and his girlfriend smoke constantly. I've told them in the past that the cigerette smoke irritates my eyes to the point where I can't see and I get a major headache. So what do they do? Ignore me and smoke anyway. A couple weeks later i went to the doctors office because I was getting sick and my throat had been sore since the incident and i told her my concerns, She said i was most definately having allergic reactions to the smoke. The next time we all got together (we carpooled in their car to a restaurant 20 minutes away) I told them before we left that my doctor said i was allergic and asked them not to smoke in the car while i was in there. Steve, trying to have 1 up on me, said my doctor didn't know anything and ignored me. Again, they ignored my request and went away with smoking. Again, I got sick from it. My boyfriend knows that I get sick from the smoke so anytime we must hang out, we drive separate. I would hate to be discluded because of 1 family member but I just can't get away from the problems, because something new always happens.
I just don't know what to do, my boyfriend does not want me to address his brother about my issues and i feel that he feels that I'm just being a baby about it. But why would his brother take it a step further and try to physically hurt me? Is he trying to chase me out of Jon's life? Please help me!